You Know This Is A Bad Idea Right?
by Lex Sora
Summary: THIS IS NOT A TEST, I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A TEST!!! A little note thingy inside (bum bum BUM) and for the future of this fic (or if yer really bored) check it out. Ja fer na.
1. The Trip

You know this is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
Cell: Oh no, aren't you quite finished with the zany ideas?  
  
Nah, this just popped in after I saw Lord of the Rings. You know Hobbits are short as in REEAAALLY short? I never realized how short they really are.  
  
DD: I think everyone knows Hobbits are short man!  
  
But they're SHORT! Shorter than you!  
  
DD: ...I take mucho offense to that.  
  
But it's true!  
  
DD: I'm 5' 7"!   
  
Or 57?  
  
DD: No... I'm just **!!  
  
Seriously? I didn't know—  
  
DD: YOU LIVE WITH ME!!  
  
Well...oh can anyone tell this is a YYH fic? I know surprising.   
  
Cell: Gee whiz it's a YYH and not DBZ. I am stunned.   
  
Has anyone noticed the use of abbreviations and such? DBZ, BSSM, YYH, ST—  
  
Cell: ST?  
  
Saint Tail.  
  
Cell: Oh.  
  
Hey! I'm a DBZBSSMYYHNGELOTRSMSTOSCBA fan!  
  
DD & Cell: Yer a what?!  
  
A—  
  
DD: Summary: a collection of tales concerning Hiei, Kurama, and some bad ideas.  
  
Cell: Go put down yer sodas lest you don't want it to wind up on the keyboard.  
  
Heh! Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
The Trip  
  
Hiei: *Perched in a tree* ...  
  
Kurama: *From his window* HIEI!   
  
Hiei: What?  
  
Kurama: Uh nothing just wanted to see if you were alive.  
  
Hiei: ...You idiot.  
  
Kurama: But I did want something! I have tickets to Disneyland!   
  
Hiei: *Chibi-fies* Rwewy?!  
  
Kurama: *Sweatdrops* Uh yeah! You wanna—  
  
Hiei: *Already in the car* COME ON DAMN YOU!  
  
Kurama: ...Okay let me get my keys—  
  
Hiei: *Hotwires car*  
  
Kurama: ...Yeah...okay. *Gets in car and speeds away*  
  
(2 minutes later)  
  
Hiei: *Bouncing in the back* Disneyland! Disneyland! Disneyland!  
  
Kurama: *Eye twitching*  
  
Hiei: Are we there yet?  
  
Kurama: NO-I mean no.  
  
Hiei: Can I drive?  
  
Kurama: No.  
  
Hiei: Are we there yet? Can I drive? I'm cold! I'm hungry! I'm cold and hungry! Are we there yet?  
  
Kurama: If I have to pull this car over—!!  
  
Hiei: YAAAY!  
  
Kurama: *Thinking* My God he's like a child! Kuwabara would pay to see this!  
  
Hiei: *Chibi-fies even more and runs around*  
  
Kurama: ?! Uh, Hiei! Wait a second!  
  
(Kurama finally catches up to Hiei 3 hours later. Disneyland is demolished)  
  
Kurama: ...I will never be able to pay for this.  
  
Hiei: *Pouts* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Kurama: ...Uh let's go to Six Flags over Kentucky!  
  
Hiei: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! *Hotwires car again*  
  
Kurama: *Drives to SFOK*  
  
(Arrives in half a day)  
  
Kurama: Now stay close to me Hiei—Hiei?  
  
Hiei: *In line for "The Drop"[1]* YAY! YAY! YAY!  
  
Kurama: Hiei, you're too short to ride! Here—  
  
Hiei: *Un-Chibi-fies and pulls out his sword* Grrr...  
  
Kurama: H—  
  
Man that operates ride: Hey shorty, yer to short fer this ride! Go find some kiddy ride or sumthin!  
  
Hiei: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGG! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL—ER KID!! *Holds sword to man's throat*  
  
MTOR: *Choking* Of course the illusion that yer hair is bigger than yer head has caused me to think that you are 4 feet! I am sorry!  
  
Hiei: *Puts away sword* Damn straight. *Gets on ride and re chibi-fies* WEEE!  
  
Kurama: Uh how fast does this ride go?  
  
MTOR: *Pushes button* 10 to the top, 230 on the way down.  
  
Kurama: ...Damn that's fast.   
  
(On the ride)  
  
Man next to Hiei: I hear this thing goes really fast! Aren't you a little young to be on here?  
  
Hiei: I'm 23! [2]  
  
MNH: ...  
  
Hiei: ...How fast does it go?  
  
MNH: 10 to the top...  
  
Hiei: 10?! I can RUN faster that 10! *Ride reaches top*  
  
MNH: 230 to the bottom.  
  
Hiei: ...Oh sh—*ride drops*  
  
(The ride drops at 230 mph down a 100 foot pole, swerves to the right, goes up a hill, drops, turns a sharp left, goes up a loop, down, then goes back up the 100 foot pole, drops backwards, dips and goes back up half-way before it falls, the comes to a slow stop the bottom)  
  
Hiei and MNH: *Look like they've just come back from hell. Both get off ride and part ways*  
  
Kurama: Hiei? Speak to me!  
  
Hiei: ...that was DA BOMB!! CAN I GO AGAIN?!  
  
Kurama: ...Let's go try something safer like the Himalaya [3]  
  
Hiei: *Spots Himalaya* There! *Gets in line*  
  
Kurama: *Also gets in line* Y'know I just realized we don't have any tickets.  
  
Hiei: So? I have something better! *Draws sword again*  
  
Kurama: Hiei—  
  
Hiei: *Changes mind and decides to strangle MTOR* I want on ya hear?! ON!  
  
MTOR: Sure, sure! Just don't kill me! *gasps for air*  
  
Hiei: Okay. *Gets on ride* Come on Kurama!!  
  
Kurama: How fast does this thing go?  
  
MTOR: 270.  
  
Kurama: ...Uh Hiei you'll have to ride by yourself.  
  
Hiei: Why?!  
  
Kurama: *Quickly whispers to man* Start the damn ride. *Calls* I'm too short!  
  
Hiei: *Raises eyebrow* Wha—*ride starts*  
  
(Ride goes around and around in a circles like 20 times at 270 mph)  
  
Hiei: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! I'M GONNA HURL!!!  
  
Kurama: *Watches ride* Son of a bitch that's fast...  
  
(Ride finally stops)  
  
Hiei: *Gets of ride and is dizzy* Ah...  
  
Kurama: *Catches him* Um Hiei? Are you okay?  
  
Hiei: Ugh...* runs to trash can and pukes*   
  
Kurama: *Pats his back* Wanna go on another ride?  
  
Hiei: Can I ride the Merry-Go-Round?!  
  
Kurama: No.   
  
Hiei: Okay. What's that?   
  
Kurama: That's the Superman. I don't think you want to ride that—  
  
Hiei: *Bounces to ride*  
  
Kurama: ...Yep. *Runs after him*  
  
Hiei: *Gets on ride effortlessly (see above)*   
  
Kurama: This is the last ride! It's getting late...  
  
Hiei: Okay!  
  
Kurama: *To man who operates ride* Let me guess: 300?  
  
MWOR: 450.  
  
Kurama: Whoa shit this will kill him!!  
  
MWOR: *Starts ride*  
  
Kurama: ...  
  
(Ride goes up a spiral with Superman at the top 3 times at 350 then shoots down, sharp right, sharp left, then it goes into a dark tunnel, up, the down onto a track into some sort of lab where a mechanical King Kong ins rampaging. Ride continues straight until MKK jumps in front of them and starts shaking ride violently)  
  
Hiei: AAAH! IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?!  
  
(MKK lets go and throws ride onto another track where it speeds off at 400. Ride comes out of tunnel and goes up into the clouds were it shoots down at 450 into a large pool. Repeats 3 times)  
  
Kurama: *Dizzily* Damn that's a fast ride! Isn't that dangerous though?  
  
MWOR: It's fine! We only get 2 deaths week.  
  
Kurama: O.O!!!! AAAH! Hiei!   
  
Hiei: *Stuck on ride* Owwww...  
  
Kurama: *Drags him out* Oh dear, this isn't good.   
  
Hiei: Mommy can I go ride the merry-go-round now?  
  
Kurama: Hell no we're leaving! The rides here are much to fast!  
  
Hiei: But mommy—  
  
Kurama: And stop calling me mommy! *Throws him in the trunks and drives away*  
  
(At Kurama's house)  
  
Kurama: Damnit! He's soaked from the Superman. What am I gonna do with him?! Oy vey...*throws Hiei on the couch*   
  
Hiei: *Wakes up and un-chibi-fies* Where am I?  
  
Kurama: At my house. Are you okay?  
  
Hiei: *Sneezes* Ugh why does my body feel all hot? *Sneezes again*  
  
Kurama: Great you've got a cold!   
  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] I can't remember what it's called but that actually is a ride  
  
[2] I just added that cause it would be funny  
  
[3] There actually is a ride called the Superman but it only goes up and down not all that. I took a ride from Opryland and combined the 2 (except for the MKK shaking the ride)  
  
Next: The Fire Demon, The Cold, and The Robatussien 


	2. The Fire Demon, The Cold, and The Robatu...

You know this is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
  
  
Hello! We're back because we care! Or at least I do...  
  
Sabrina Black: Why thank you! And I feel bad fer Kurama too. Hell I fell bad for me...  
  
AoiHyou: Thanks! And I am updating now (duh). Oh and I forgot to mention OOC didn't I? Thanks fer pointing that out *slaps head* some had to figure it out y'know. Yeah, Hiei's fast alright but if he wants to try to out run the Superman he can try. I went on it once and I think only the wind can go faster O_o  
  
Thanks to my reviewers!   
  
Cell & DD: B—  
  
Begin Transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
The Fire Demon, The Cold, and The Robatussien  
  
  
Kurama: Great you've got a cold!  
  
Hiei: *Sneezes* A...cold? I don't feel cold...  
  
Kurama: No I mean your sick.   
  
Hiei: *Jumps up triumphantly* I am not sick! I am—*falls back down and cough* sick.  
  
Kurama: Does the Makai have any medicines for colds?  
  
Hiei: No one get's sick in the Makai. *Sneezes and cough. Chibi-fies and pouts*  
  
Kurama: Awww, your all stuffy!   
  
Hiei: I'm what?  
  
Kurama: Stopped up? Your nose is stopped up.  
  
Hiei: Huh?  
  
(Kurama explains term)  
  
Hiei: Ohhh! Ah-ah...never mind false alarm.  
  
Kurama: Okay—  
  
Hiei: CHOO! *Sneezes on Kurama* Uh sorry. *Sniffs*  
  
Kurama: -_- Great. Just freakin great. You stay there and don't move until I come back.  
  
Hiei: Where are you going?  
  
Kurama: *Grabs keys* To buy you some cough syrup. *Leaves house and goes to car. Drives off*  
  
Hiei: *Moves his leg*  
  
Kurama: *Swerves back into drive way* I SAID DON'T MOVE!! *Drives off again*  
  
Hiei: O.O?! He's good. *Moans* What am I gonna do till he gets back? *Spots phone* Oooh, shiny! *Grabs phone* Now how'd he say how to use these things? Oh yeah, press the buttons! Now which buttons...*Dials in a random number*  
  
Pizza Hut Guy: Hello, this is Pizza Hut how may I help you?  
  
Hiei: Pizza Hut? Oh yeah, that pizza place...*grins* PIZZA! I want a large pepperoni pizza, two pineapple, three cheeses...*place very large order*  
  
PHG: *Reads back order* Where do you want this delivered sir?  
  
Hiei: *Gives Kurama's address* And hurry it up! *Sets phone down* Mmm pizza...now I'm bored again. Hmmm...*dials in another number* I wonder if I'll get a food place again...  
  
O'Charley's Guy: Hello this is O'Charley's! How may I help you?  
  
Hiei: Uh do you guys do take out?  
  
OCG: Yes we do. (they actually don't but it moves the story along)   
  
Hiei: Oh...well I want *places even bigger order* and some tea.   
  
OCG: Well we've just run out of the beer-battered shrimp and—  
  
Hiei: Damn well just give me the rest of the order.  
  
OCG: Okay our guy should be over in 2 hours tops.  
  
Hiei: Right. *Sets phone down* Waah now I'm hungry and bored! Oh well. *Falls asleep*  
  
(5 hours later)  
  
Kurama: *Walks in door* Traffic is murder I tell you! Murder!! *See Hiei* ...DAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIT!!  
  
(Hiei's on the floor with 100 dozen pizza boxes, 60 take out boxes, shrimp (they weren't out after all), and 8 pitchers of tea. The air smells of beer and pine apple and Hiei's stomach is bigger than his whole body)  
  
Hiei: *Groans* I think I overdosed on shrimp ohhhh...  
  
Kurama: HIEI! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!  
  
Hiei: I got hungry and ordered take out.  
  
Kurama: *Eyes nearly pop out of their sockets* What?! And how much did all of this cost!?  
  
Hiei: Uh they told me 400 yen plus tax so I guess it's....oh 600-650.  
  
Kurama: *Faints*  
  
Hiei: Eh, not a bad idea. *passes out*  
  
(5 angry, stomach pumping hours later)  
  
Hiei: *Looks like he's on his death bed* Ahhh...  
  
Kurama: Geez you're burning up! Oh wait, I got your cough medicine. *Holds up bottle of Robatussien* Says for people 18 and over to drink 2 cups. Well, here ya go.  
  
Hiei: *Takes off measuring cup and cap. Sniffs medicine and recoils* What the hell is this?!  
  
Kurama: The stuff that could cure you! Now come on, do it or I'll force feed it to you!  
  
Hiei: Okay, okay. *Drinks dosage and turns an interesting shade of purple*  
  
Kurama: Hiei? Are you okay?  
  
Hiei: ...*Starts to drool*  
  
Kurama: Hiei you're scaring me...  
  
Hiei: *Quickly runs to bathroom and throws up everything he's ever ate in the past week (it actually makes you do that!)*  
  
Kurama: O_o What the hell? *Picks up bottle and reads label* Warning: May cause motion sickness, excessive vomiting, vertigo, and delirium?! What the hell is this, LSD?!  
  
Hiei: *Comes out of bathroom and passes out on bed* Oh I feel like shit.  
  
Kurama: You look like it too. Damn, I swear this is Opium.  
  
Hiei: Ugh...*pukes on bed and passes out on the floor*  
  
Kurama: O_o?! Okay we're going to a doctor.  
  
(The next day at the doctor's office)  
  
Doctor: Well Hiei, you're actually in perfect condition! No signs of a cold or anything!   
  
Kurama: What?! But he was coughing and sneezing! And he had a high fever!  
  
Doctor: Did you give him anything?  
  
Kurama: Uh just some Robatussien but that was more like some bad acid then a cough syrup!  
  
Doctor: Did he take the proper dosage?  
  
Hiei: 2 cups for 18 and older. Then I started vomiting and I was all dizzy and...  
  
Doctor: ...excessive vomiting, vertigo and delirium...?! It should not do that! Hmmm...I wonder...*takes off label* Oh my...  
  
Kurama: Well? What is it?  
  
Doctor: It IS cannabis!  
  
Kurama and Hiei: 0_0  
  
Doctor: There's been a string of cases like yours where people accidentally by bottles of liquefied cannabis disguised as Robatussien.  
  
Kurama: ...Clever.  
  
Doctor: I know.   
  
Hiei: So what do you suggest we do then?  
  
Doctor: Well you could get his stomach pumped or surgery or you could just let the drug run it's course.   
  
Kurama: ...*Thinks*  
  
Hiei: ...*Vomits again*   
  
Kurama: Stomach pump. Quickly.  
  
(3 hours later at the hospital)  
  
Kurama: Hiei? How do you feel?  
  
Hiei: *On operating table* Terrible.  
  
Kurama: Uh well the doctors said they're gonna keep you over night is that okay.  
  
Hiei: Ugh...*pukes over table*  
  
Kurama: Oh and that will pass too. So do you want me to stay or...?  
  
Hiei: *Vomits again*  
  
Kurama: ...Alright I'll just stay then.  
  
(Next day at Kurama's house)  
  
Kurama: *Carrying Hiei on his back* And here we are, home sweet home.  
  
Hiei: Ugh...  
  
Kurama: If you throw up on my back I'm going to...hurt you.  
  
Hiei: *Rolls off Kurama's back and onto the couch* Oh boy.  
  
Kurama: Well at least you aren't sick anymore! Hey, cannabis cures colds! Ironic huh?  
  
Hiei: *Glares at Kurama*  
  
Kurama: Right. I'll just go now. Do you want something?  
  
Hiei: Sleep.  
  
Kurama: Right. *Leaves*  
  
Hiei: *Falls asleep on couch*   
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
Oh an just in case anyone's wondering Robatussien DOES make you drool and vomit cause it's so strong.  
  
Cell: And thus ends another "Bad Idea".   
  
DD: Next: The Chihuahua  
  
Heh-heh. Don't forget to review! 


	3. The Chihuahua pt1

You Know This Is A Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Hello fans!   
  
DD: What fans?  
  
...Good question. Anyways'n I'm back with another twisted tale. I am neglecting all priorities for this thing. But it's fun as hell! And the fans agree!  
  
Cell: What fans?  
  
Don't ruin the illusion. This one's gonna be fairly short and stupid so B-E-W-A-R-E okay? By the way, I love Frank Sinatra!   
  
DD: Who?  
  
Frank Sinatra? Famous singer?  
  
DD: Feh, what ever.  
  
-_- I must be old. Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
The Chihuahua  
  
(Scene: Kurama's house in the winter. It is cold. Very cold)  
  
Hiei: *Sitting on the couch* Why am I living with Kurama now?  
  
Kurama: *From kitchen* Because you have no where else to go!  
  
Hiei: I have plenty of places!  
  
Kurama: Like...?  
  
Hiei: ...Go to hell.  
  
Kurama: Been there, done that. I OWN hell. *Grabs coat and keys* Now I'm going to get some anti-freeze and pay some bills and I should be back in like 3 hours. See ya in 3! *Leaves and fish-tails out of drive way*   
  
Hiei: Well since he'll be gone for 3—  
  
Kurama: *Swerves back into drive way* IF YOU TOUCH THAT PHONE I'LL RIP YER BALLS OFF! *Swerves out again*  
  
Hiei: O.O!! How does he do that?! *Looks at phone* ...Damn. I want to keep my balls! *Sigh* Guess I'll settle for hot chocolate—*pauses and waits for Kurama to appear* Good. *Goes in kitchen and makes some hot chocolate* Sweet cocoa...*whimpering from outside* Hm? What the hizzie could that be? *Goes outside* Good Lord it's COLD!! *hears whimpering again* What is that? *Walks to pile of snow whimpering is coming from. Kicks top of pile to fins a Chihuahua* AWWW IT'S SO CUTE—er I mean what the hell is that? Hmmm....save it or let it die...  
  
Chihuahua: *Pathetic puppy-dog eyes*  
  
Hiei: ...*Mind turns to mush* AWWWWW! *Chibi-fies and quickly carries dog into house*  
  
(Mean while with Kurama)  
  
Kurama: *Stuck in traffic* Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn...  
  
(Back at the house)  
  
Hiei: *Cuddles dog over heater*   
  
Chihuahua: *Happy barks*  
  
Hiei: Well now that you're defrosted let's go find you something to eat! *Searches cabinets* Hmmm...what could I feed a dog? *Opens fridge and spots turkey* Ah-ha.   
  
Chihuahua: *Jumps in fridge and tears into turkey*   
  
Hiei: Awww my widdle doggy was hungry!  
  
Chihuahua: *Barks out 'feed me! Feed me!'*  
  
Hiei: Damn, you just ate a whole turkey! Th—he-llo what's this?  
  
(5 ½ hours later)  
  
Kurama: *Walks in looking like Frosty the Snowman* I will kill the rush hour people! KILL THE—oh sweet mother Mary...  
  
(Food is strewn all over the floor from the kitchen)  
  
Kurama: ...Hiei...would you come out here so I can kill you...?!  
  
Hiei: *Pokes head in* Oh yer back? Come lookie what I found!  
  
Kurama: *Walks in* What the hell?! *The Chihuahua is sitting in the middle of the kitchen happily eating a whole apple pie*  
  
Hiei: Isn't he cute?! Can I keep im? Pwease?!  
  
Kurama: ...  
  
(2 minutes later)  
  
Kurama: *Boots Hiei & dog out* AND STAY OUT DAMNIT!!  
  
Hiei: *Catches dog* ...Gee what's his problem? I still haven't named you have I?  
  
Chihuahua: *Barks*  
  
Hiei: Oh well, I'll think of something later. Let's go find somewhere else to stay.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
Heh-heh-heh...I know Chihuahua's probably don't eat that much but it was worth it to see Hiei get booted out! And thanks to AoiHyou who pointed out the currency thing.   
  
DD: Next: The Chihuahua pt. 2  
  
Ta-ta folks! And review! 


	4. The Chihuahua pt2

You Know this Is A Bad Idea Right?   
  
  
  
Hey there—  
  
Cell: Hi there—  
  
DD: Ho there!  
  
...That was odd. Okay, guess who's back—  
  
Cell: Now Eminem parodies!  
  
*Gasp then smirks evilly. Writes* I'm Slim Shady...  
  
DD: Great, we could be back to outrageous parodies again.  
  
So who is ready for LOTR: Two Towers?!  
  
LOTR otakus: WOOT-WOOT-WOOOOT!  
  
Me too. Oh and one more thing: thanks for the reviews! Dude, I didn't think anyone would like this y'know? Oh well, guess who was wrong. Now for some info for ya:  
//heh//= Chihuahua speaking. Note: He has a Mexican accent of course.  
  
DD: Now for the Chihuahua part 2!  
  
Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
The Chihuahua pt.2   
  
(Scene: Busy streets of Wherever, Tokyo)  
  
Hiei: Hmmm where ta stay where ta stay...car sounds good...  
  
Chihuahua: //Not a car Hiei-sama! A nice, BIG hotel!//  
  
Hiei: *Stops* Is this thing talking to me? Okay, being in the cold so long has frozen my brain that's all.  
  
Chihuahua: //No, I'm REEALLY speaking to you!//  
  
Hiei: ...EVIL POSSESSED DEMON DOG! YOU MUST DIE!  
  
Chihuahua: //And you must do what I say!//  
  
Hiei: Make me! *Draws out sword* DIEE!  
  
Chihuahua: *Eyes get all wobbly and big. Whimpers pathetically and shivers*  
  
Hiei: Must...kill...dog...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW! Who's a cute widdle doggy?! *Chibi-fies and cuddles dog in the middle of the street*  
  
Chihuahua: //Car.//  
  
Hiei: I know.  
  
(At Kurama's)  
  
Kurama: *At computer* Maybe I shouldn't have kicked the dog out...and Hiei too. BAH! He was living here too long...*Chibi-fies and whimpers. Looks down at himself* Oh no, now I'm doing it too! *Tries to un-chibi-fie* Shit, I'm stuck! Now I have to find Hiei!! ...But I have to walk because I can't reach the steering wheel of my car!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!   
  
(In nearest hospital)  
  
Hiei: (In hospital bed hooked up to IV) How'd I get hit by a car?  
  
Chihuahua: *Crawls in through window* //Well if you would have listened to me and run you might have gotten away! Now we have things to do// *Bites IV off*  
  
Hiei: But puppy m back hurts!  
  
Chihuahua: *Drags Hiei out of bed by his hair* //Does it look like I care?! And think me up a name, quick!//  
  
Hiei: Um...uh...*spots Frank Sinatra record* Siiii-naaa—Sinatura! Furanku Sinatura[1]!  
  
Chihuahua: //What the hell? Well anyway, we better go right now! The fox is on his way!//  
  
Hiei: Yay Kurama's come to get me back! *Chibi-fies*  
  
Chihuahua: //You idiot! Don't you want to get your revenge on him?!//  
  
Hiei: No, not really. Uh-uh.  
  
Chihuahua: *Eyes get big and watery* You will kill the fox...you will kill the fox...  
  
Hiei: *Eyes go all swirly* I will kill the fox...kill...fox...  
  
Chihuahua: //Good boy, you will serve me well! Heh-heh...// *Drags Hiei off*  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
[1] Parody on Frank Sinatra's name.   
  
Heh...that's one strong Chihuahua...and psycho. I never really wanted to take it this far, I was going to end it now but this slapped me upside da head.  
  
Cell: Next: The Chihuahua pt.3  
  
P.S: Can anyone sense that I REEEALLY don't like Chihuahuas? 


	5. The Chihuahua pt3

You Know This is A Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Yay it's the conclusion to the Chihuahua trilogy!   
  
DD: Just who is Furanku Sinatura anyway?  
  
I state again: does anyone else sense I dislike Chihuahuas? In my fics they are symbols of evil. So to all you Kurama-lovers here's yer revenge. Now take notes:  
  
//blah-blah//=Furanku Sinatura speaking  
  
(blah-blah)=thought. Also note the Mexican accent  
  
Cell: Warnings: Move it out dog lovers.  
  
Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
The Chihuahua part 3  
  
Kurama: *Scurrying through the streets* HIEI! WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU'VE GOTTA GET ME UN-CHIBI-FIED!*people stare at him* ...What?!  
  
  
(At Kurama's house)  
  
  
Hiei: *Piling flammable things in the living room* Must make Kurama miserable...must destroy house...destroy...  
  
Furanku Sinatura: //Eeeeexcellent my boy excellent! We will make that fox-bitch's life a living hell!//  
  
Hiei: Destroy...house...*lights flammables on fire*  
  
Furanku: *Eyes get all big and watery* //Now dance around it singing "Whip it" in a toga!//  
  
Hiei: *Grabs a blanket and makes a toga. Starts dancing around fire* When a problem comes along, you must whip it...  
  
Furanku: //Man this is fun! Hey, he's good//  
  
Hiei: Before the cream sits out too long, you must whip it...  
  
Kurama: *Walks back in exhausted and still Chibi-fied. Sees fire and Hiei dancing* ...God's out to get me, I know it, I just know it...  
  
Hiei: Into shape! Shape it up, get straight!  
  
Kurama: ...Oh yes God's out to get me.  
  
Hiei: Go forward, go ahead...  
  
Kurama: ...HIEI WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING GODD***IT?! I AM GONNA RIP YER BALLS OFF FOR THIS!!   
  
Furanku: //You won't do a damned t'ing because he is MY slave! MIINE!//  
  
Kurama: Who the hell are you?!  
  
Hiei: You will never live it down, unless you whip it...  
  
Furanku: //YOU ran over my bone!//  
  
Kurama: Your bone? What bone?  
  
Furanku: //Oh you remember...//  
  
Kurama: Bone...  
  
~~~*FLASHBACK*~~~  
  
(Kurama's driving home from work)  
  
Kurama: Damn 9-5 job...*runs over something* Ah! What was that?! *Jumps out of car while it's still moving at 80 mph* Oh damn...*chases after car*  
  
Younger Furanku: *Whimpers and nudges bone*  
  
Booming voice: CHIHUAHUA, DO YOU WANT REVENGE ON THE ONE WHO BROKE YOUR BONE?  
  
Younger Furanku: *Barks*  
  
BV: THEN I SHALL GIVE YOU MAGICAL POWERS THAT WILL ENABLE YOU TO DELIVER YOUR WRATH UPON THE KITSUNE!!  
  
Younger Furanku: *Barks*  
  
~~~*END FLASHBACK*~~~  
  
Furanku: //And I have been searching for you for 3 years and now—HEY!//  
  
Kurama: *Finishes putting fire out* You moron, every house should have at least one fire extinguisher. But anyway, let me get this straight: you've been searching for me for 3 years, out for blood, because I ran over you BONE?!  
  
Furanku: What better reason is there?!   
  
Kurama: *Beats shizznat out of dog then hangs him by his tail off the roof* Now to bring Hiei back...HIEI! HIEI! *Slaps him*  
  
Hiei: *Continues dancing* Crack that whip!  
  
Kurama: Great, now I'm stuck with THIS! *Eyes go all watery and wobbly. Pouts*  
  
Hiei: *Goes back to normal* Ugh...what happened? Why the hell am I in a toga?!  
  
Kurama: YAY! HIEI!  
  
Hiei: ...What happened to you?  
  
Kurama: I chibi-fied and now I'm stuck. Helllp...*runs around in circles*  
  
Hiei: ...Just think bad thoughts.  
  
Kurama: *Stops* Huh?  
  
Hiei: Just think bad thoughts and you'll return to your normal size.  
  
Kurama: ...Okay. *Thinks about massacring all slow drivers. Returns to normal size in 3 seconds*  
  
Hiei: See? Toldja.  
  
Kurama: Cool! Oh Hiei, I'm sorry fer kicking you out.  
  
Hiei: *Chibi-fies* Rwewy?!  
  
Kurama: ...Yeah.  
  
Hiei: So I can stay?!  
  
Kurama: Yes but under one condition though! No strange animals in the house!  
  
Hiei: Okay! *Glomps Kurama*  
  
Kurama: Off...of...me!!  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
There you have it folks. An uneventful, quite predictable ending to the Chihuahua trilogy!  
  
DD: Next: The Chihuahua part 4—just joking.   
  
Cell: Next: Goldfish Where Art Thou   
  
Review please! 


	6. Goldfish Where Art Thou?

You Know This Is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Okay, now that the Chihuahua trilogy is over, we can now get back to the bad ideas.  
  
Cell: Oh the zaniness.  
  
DD: Indeed. Oh and LOTR: TTT owns.   
  
Indeed.  
  
DD: ...This is awkward.  
  
Let's just begin transmission.  
_______________________________________________________________  
Goldfish Where Art Thou?  
  
(Scene: It's December 3 and there's a mini-blizzard going on outside)  
  
Hiei: *Reading* I wish, I wish I was a fish.  
  
Kurama: *In the kitchen* A fish? Why a fish?  
  
Hiei: I'm just reading. What's a fish?  
  
Kurama: O_o You don't know what a fish is?  
  
Hiei: Is it those thingies that I see on TV in the glass boxes?  
  
Kurama: Those are called aquariums. Fishes are really nice, and peaceful. They are also edible...at least some of 'em are. *Wistful sigh* I wish I had some fish...  
  
Hiei: You want a fish?  
  
Kurama: *Walks in Living room* Actually yeah. A little goldfish just to stare at...goldfishes are cute...  
  
Hiei: Yer getting gay on me now Kurama.  
  
Kurama: *Snaps out of it* Wha? Oh yeah. Bah, it's to cold to pay the rent. It'll just have to be late again. *Walks out again*  
  
Hiei: Hmmm...Kurama wants a goldfish...then I shall get him one! And pay the rent! Hey Kurama, can I borrow the car?  
  
Kurama: *Pokes his head in* For what?  
  
Hiei: Uh I want take...out?  
  
Kurama: Why not just call?  
  
Hiei: But it'd be quicker to drive!  
  
Kurama: ...You're up to something Hiei...  
  
Hiei: No I'm not.  
  
Kurama: *Tosses him the keys*   
  
Hiei: *Goes out to car and starts car engine* Okay—  
  
Kurama: *From window. Non-human scream* I'M KEEPING MY EEEEEEEEYYYEEE ON YOU KOOOOORIIIIMEEEE!! *Goes back in*  
  
Hiei: ...Great now I'm gonna be paranoid for the rest of the day. *Drives off*  
  
(2 hours and mucho traffic jam-o later)  
  
Hiei: *At Bobo's Fish Palace* Who would name their child Bobo? *Walks in*  
  
Bobo: How can I help ya kid?  
  
Hiei: I'm 23!!  
  
Bobo: ...Wow, no shit huh?  
  
Hiei: Do you have any Goldfish?  
  
Bobo: Do we have GOLDFISH! What kind?  
  
Hiei: Uh, just an aquarium of Goldfish I guess.  
  
Bobo: *Steps from behind desk* Well who are ya gettin it for?  
  
Hiei: A friend.  
  
Bobo: SPECIAL friend?  
  
Hiei: *Remembers all the times Kurama has threatened to rip his balls off* ...A psycho friend.  
  
Bobo: ...Okay, well here we have an aquarium of 50% GF and 10% tropical.  
  
Hiei: 50...10...*counts on fingers* What's the other 20%?  
  
Bobo: Water.  
  
Hiei: -_- I'll take it. *Grabs 4 foot by 6 foot aquarium*   
  
Bobo: Hey, that's gonna cost ya!  
  
Hiei: *Gives him Kurama's address* Mail the bill there. My friend's loaded.  
  
Bobo: Okay, have a—*Hiei slams shop door and drives off* ...good one.  
  
(On the Interstate)  
  
Hiei: Let's see...goldfish aquarium? Check. Pay rent...hmmm...*grabs rent bill from glove compartment* Let's see...rent: 400,000 yen?! Damn, no wonder Kurama tries to keep his house neat! *Drives to PO*   
  
Post Office Lady: The Post Office closes at 5:30 PM, I repeat, 5:30 PM.  
  
Hiei: *Runs in* How long until this thing is late?!  
  
POL: *Reads date* It looks late now, but it's due the 20 at noon.  
  
Hiei: Great! Mail it!  
  
POL: That'll coast ya 800 yen.  
  
Hiei: ACK! And I still haven't gotten the rent money! Damnit all!  
  
POL: We close at 5:30 you've got...half an hour.  
  
Hiei: Half an hour? Okay, great. Hold this and I'll be right back. *Puts on his Nike running shoes and takes off*  
  
(At Kurama's)  
  
Kurama: Great, if I pay the rent late this time I could get kicked out! And what's taking Hiei so long? *Eye twitches* I knew that damn wannabe fire demon was up to no good! It should've dawned on me that he could've RAN to Domino's!! ARG! Why'd I have to be stuck in this damn house?! *Chibi-fies* ...Damn, not again.  
  
(Back to Hiei)  
  
Hiei: *Running cross-country to the bank* I've got to pay Kurama's rent AND get the fish back before they die! What a good friend am I! *Jumps over goat* O.O Where am I? *Bank is in view* WHO—*runs into door*   
  
Bank worker: *Sees Hiei hit door* Ouch, that must've hurt. Uh, maybe I should go see if he's okay...  
  
Hiei: *Gets up* Ouch...I think I knocked a tooth loose...*spits tooth out* ...I hope it re grows. Okay, I've got a job to do. *Smashes door* OKAY, PUT YER HANDS UP—I mean give me 400,000,000 yen ningens!(he had to say it someday)   
  
Everyone in bank: *Puts their hands up*   
  
BG: *Throws Hiei a bag of yen*  
  
Hiei: Well that was easy. *Runs*  
  
Lady: Watch out for—  
  
Hiei: *Hits a tree* Ooow...  
  
Lady: —that tree.  
  
Hiei: *recovers* I am okay! *Runs off again*  
  
(At Post Office)  
  
POL: That guy's never gonna make it! He only has 20 seconds—?!  
  
Hiei: *Runs through door* I have gotta stop doing that...oh, here's the yen!  
  
POL: Wow, he made it!   
  
Hiei: *Pays her and sticks 400,000 yen in the envelope* Mail it!  
  
POL: Gotcha, thanks! Nice doing business with you!  
  
Hiei: *Runs to car, gets in and doughnut-swirls away*  
  
POL: *Waves*   
  
(At Kurama's)  
  
Kurama: *Tries to think bad thoughts* ARRG! It's not working! I'M GONNA GET THAT KOOOOOORIIIIIMEEEEE WANNABE! WAAAAAAAAAH! *Runs in circles*   
  
(Back to Hiei)  
  
Hiei: *Driving at 100 mph* Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! *Hits something* What the? *Pulls over and see that he hit Kuwabara*   
  
Kuwabara: *Lying in the street*  
  
Hiei: Damn that must've been painful. *Backs up on Kuwabara and speeds off*  
  
(At Kurama's)  
  
Kurama: Damnit! I can't un-chibi-fie!   
  
Hiei: *Runs in with the giant aquarium* I have arrived!  
  
Kurama: *Glares and un-chibi-fies*  
  
Hiei: ...Please don't look at me like that. I paid the rent and got you something!  
  
Kurama: Really? *Finally sees aquarium. Eyes water* JOY-US!!  
  
Hiei: *Sets aquarium down* It's 50% Goldfish and 10% tropical.  
  
Kurama: What's the other 20%—never mind, don't answer that.   
  
Hiei: And I paid the rent!  
  
Kurama: YAY! *Huggles Hiei. Someone knocks on door*  
  
Hiei: I got it. *Opens door*  
  
Police officer #1: Are you Hiei?  
  
Hiei: That would be I.  
  
PO#2: You are under arrest for robbery, traffic violations, and 2nd degree attempted murder. *Snaps cuffs on him and throws him in the car trunk*  
  
Kurama: O_o (Well if he robbed a bank to pay for my aquarium...I'm still keeping it!)  
  
PO#1: Sorry for the disturbance ma'am. *Walks off with PO#2*  
  
Kurama: Um-hm. Yeah. AND I'M A GUY!  
  
(Po-pos drive off with Hiei tied and gagged in the trunk)   
  
Kurama: -_- Oh Hiei.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
And Hiei get's arrested. And in case yer wondering why Hiei couldn't escape from the trunk is because I made car trunks his weakness because they are my weakness...you didn't hear that.  
  
DD: Next: Jailhouse Rock  
  
Cell: Review please. 


	7. Jailhouse Rock

You Know This Is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Hello, hello, and hello. Yeah, I'm back after a rather long hiatus. Now prepare for the sappiest "bad idea" I've ever written and just in time for Christmas (Hanukah/Kwanzaa)!  
  
DD: Warning: High cavity factor  
  
Cell: And for those of you who asked does Hiei have a thing for Kurama...we don't know. Should we? Vote yay or nay.  
  
Awww that'd be so CUTE! I don't like cute.  
  
Muses: Neither do the muses.   
  
Bu-ut...on to the bad idea.  
  
Cell: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Jailhouse Rock  
  
Kurama: *In police station* WHAT?!  
  
PO1: He's been put on death row.  
  
Kurama: FOR WHAT?!  
  
PO2: Ma'am please calm down—  
  
Kurama: I AM A MAN! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!  
  
PO2: -androgyny—  
  
PO1: The fact remains is he's on death row and is scheduled for death the 25th.  
  
Kurama: ...that's tomorrow!!  
  
PO2: And it's Christmas Eve.  
  
Kurama: ...I'm Jewish.  
  
PO1: Really?  
  
Kurama: No not really.  
  
PO1: Oh. Darn. But anyway, there's nothing ya can do for him.  
  
Kurama: Ohhhh my Hiei!  
  
PO2: What's a Hiei?  
  
Kurama: ...*Goes into swearing frenzy*  
  
(2 minutes later)  
  
PO1: *Boots Kurama out the 3rd story window*  
  
Kurama: DON'T THINK YOU'VE SEEN THE LAST OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *Smacks ground* AAAHHH!  
  
  
(In the Insertname State Penitentiary)  
  
  
Hiei: *In his prison cell* Dear Diary, the guy in the next cell is flirting with me and I can't stop flirting back—  
  
Roomie: Hey guy, what'cha writin'?   
  
Hiei: In my diary.  
  
Roomie: Can I see?  
  
Hiei: Sure why not? *Whaps him with it* You MORON! Get back to your end of the cell!  
  
Roomie: *Rubs head* That wasn't very nice. And just in case you haven't noticed, this cell's only 6 feet long.  
  
Hiei: ...This is true.  
  
Roomie: What are you in for?  
  
Hiei: Uh, I robbed a bank, violated some traffic laws, and I ran over a guy.  
  
Roomie: ...That's it?  
  
Hiei: Yep.  
  
Roomie: Oh Puh-leze! That's not even enough to get you in PRISON!  
  
Hiei: Seriously? I knew there was something shady going on! Say, how'd you get in?  
  
Roomie: I killed 60 people and kidnapped the Queen of Britain's cat.  
  
Hiei: ...Wow.  
  
Roomie: I know. Well you should break out! This is unjust!  
  
Hiei: Exactly! *Runs up to bars and—*  
  
Roomie: WAIT—  
  
Hiei: *And is shocked by 600,000,000 volts of electricity*  
  
Roomie: a second.  
  
Hiei: *Sizzles* This...may be harder that I thought.  
  
  
(At Kurama's house)  
  
  
Kurama: *Chibi-fied* WAAAAAAH! My buddy's in JAAAAIL!! I MUST BAIL HIM OUT! *Un-chibi-fies and paces room* But how...*Snaps fingers* Ah-ha.  
  
  
(In INSP)  
  
  
Hiei: *Collapses on bed* It's no use! INJUSTICE![1]  
  
Roomie: I told you that wouldn't work. So what'cha gonna do now?  
  
Hiei: Guess I'll wait for Kurama to bail me out.  
  
Roomie: BAIL?! Your on DEATH ROW. There IS no bail!  
  
Hiei: O.O!! Are you serious?!  
  
Roomie: Tch, yeah!   
  
Hiei: ...Crap. Hey guard!  
  
Guard: Yes'ir?  
  
Hiei: Do you know when I'm due to the EC?  
  
Guard: Oh um...*checks schedule* Ah, the 25th.  
  
Hiei: What's today?  
  
Guard: ...24th.  
  
Hiei: O_O!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! THAT'S TOMORROW!  
  
Guard: I know, ironic huh? *Walks away*  
  
Roomie: Sorry guy, guess this is it.  
  
Hiei: NOOO! I can't die yet! I'm too young!  
  
Roomie: Yeah, pity for a 12 year old to die.  
  
Hiei: ...I'm 23!!  
  
Roomie: O_o Wow, what horrible growth genes!  
  
Hiei: *Chibi-fies* Why?! THIS IS INJUSTICE!  
  
Roomie: Mucho. Gee, you don't even have time to think about what you've done, it's midnight.  
  
Hiei: ...WAAAAAAAAAAHHH!  
  
(The Day of the 25th)  
  
Guard: Hey Spikey—what the?  
  
Hiei: *Still screaming*  
  
Roomie: Hey guy, guy! It's time.  
  
Hiei: NOOO—  
  
Guard: *Shocks him with a stun gun*  
  
Hiei: Aw that didn't hurt a bit! *Keels over*  
  
Guard: *Drags him out*  
  
Hiei: *Wakes up in EC* Ugh, what? Where am I? Oh no...NOOOOO—  
  
Guard 2: *Hits him with the butt of his gun* Quiet!  
  
Hiei: Owwww! What is this, a conspiracy against me?!  
  
G2: Any last words kid?  
  
Hiei: Yeah, just one.  
  
G1: Shoot.  
  
Hiei: I—  
  
Kurama: INJUSTIIIIIIICE!   
  
(Kurama storms the place in a kilt with a sword backed up by hoards of demons)  
  
Hiei: Kurama?!  
  
Kurama: YOU CAN TAKE MY PRIDE BUT YOU WILL NEVER TAKE MY BUDDY! Take what you want, the fire demon is mine!!  
  
Hiei: ...Kurama? *Sniffles* He came to save me!  
  
Kurama: *Knocks out guards and frees Hiei* Hey, are you alright?  
  
Hiei: *Chibi-fies* YAY! *Latches onto Kurama's leg*  
  
Kurama: Well, I guess that's good. *Whistles for troops* LET'S GO MEN! VICTORY IS OURS! *Storms out with troops*  
  
(4 hours later at Kurama's house)  
  
Kurama: See? Everything turned out right in the end!  
  
Hiei: Yup. *Looks out window* Hey what's that white stuff?  
  
Kurama: *Looks out window* Hey it's SNOWING! It hasn't snowed here in like 5 years!  
  
Hiei: Cool! Hey Kurama?  
  
Kurama: Yeah?  
  
Hiei: Uh...thanks fer saving me.  
  
Kurama: Awww no problem! I couldn't let them kill my buddy!  
  
Hiei: *Chibi-fies and latches onto Kurama* YAY!  
  
Kurama: Uh merry Christmas to you too buddy.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] Quote from Wufei of Gundam Wing. Gotta love that show.  
  
And thus ends the SBI.  
  
DD: Translation: Sappy Bad Idea.  
  
Cell: Not much sap but hey we had to do something for Christmas non?  
  
DD: Next: Hiei goes to Nashville New Years' Edition.  
  
Ta-ta and Merry Christmas (Hanukah/Kwanzaa)   
  
Cell: And R&R 


	8. Hiei Goes to Nashville New Years' Editio...

You Know This is A Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
I have returned! How long was I gone?  
  
Cell: I have no idea.  
  
Me neither. Oh-ho! *Looks at reviews* Geesh, everyone wants Hiei to have a thing for Kurama? Okay, now I REALLY have inspiration for a Valentine's Day one. But here's the thing: NO YAOI. Sure I can do it but I'm trying to keep this sorta clean...for the 13 year old kiddies—  
  
DD: Heck, this thing should be R as it is—  
  
Cell: So it's gonna have to stay Shounen-ai. Maybe Kurama will get a clue eventually.   
  
DD: Also, this means I have a purpose! *Rolls sleeves up and marks calendar* BRING IT ON MOMMA!  
  
*Sweat drop* Yeah. Good thing: DD has a purpose. Bad thing—  
  
Cell: He has a purpose.   
  
Anyway, any warnings for this one?  
  
Cell: Er, same as always: No drinking, no eating, no 100 dollars worth in puter repairs. Oh yeah, drug-usage, murder, and country music. Hey, he's in Nashville.  
  
Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Hiei goes to Nashville (New Years' Edition)  
  
(Scene: December 29 at Kurama's house)   
  
Hiei: *Sleeping on the floor*  
  
Kurama: Hiei—hm? *Pokes him*  
  
Hiei: *Snores*  
  
Kurama: *Pokes him again*  
  
Hiei: *Wakes up* Hm? Wha?  
  
Kurama: Hey, great news!  
  
Hiei: Really? What?  
  
Kurama: We're going to America! We're going to New York for New Years' Eve!  
  
Hiei: Ame-ri-ca? What's that?  
  
Kurama: It's not a what, it's a where. It's far across the ocean, like on the other side of the world! *In African accent* We are going to America!  
  
Hiei: Riiiight. So when are we going?  
  
Kurama: Tomorrow! Leave all that can be spared, we travel light![1]  
  
Hiei: *Raises eyebrow* I swear he's gay.  
  
  
(The next day at the docks)  
  
Hiei: Why are we riding a boat? Can't we take a plane or—  
  
Kurama: I already paid! Come on, it's a luxury liner and it's unsinkable!  
  
Hiei: That's what they said about the—  
  
Kurama: Come on, we're boarding! *He and Hiei get on ship*   
  
  
(On the ship)  
  
Kurama: Ooooh! It's so pretty! Hey, a bar! *Goes into bar*  
  
Hiei: *Starts humming the "Loveboat" theme. Walks to his and Kurama's room*...OOOOH! *Jumps on bed* Boingyboingyboingyboingyboingy—oh my gosh, PLAYSTATION! *Gets control of himself* Okay, apparently TOO much of Kurama has rubbed off on me. Hmm, I wonder what they've got to eat on this ship...  
  
  
(At the bar with Kurama)  
  
Kurama: *On the table doing Pee-Wee Herman's Tequila Dance* Who said white men can't dance?![2]  
  
  
(Enough of that)  
  
Hiei: *In the kitchen* Hmmm...*opens GIANT fridge* ...*drools* Man that's a lotta Liotta![3] *Jumps in fridge*  
  
  
(2 hours later)  
  
Hiei: *Stomach is twice as big as he is. Rolls him self back to room* I should've never eaten that Sweet Potato pie...  
  
Kurama: *Double-takes and chokes on soda* What the hell?! Hiei, what happened?!  
  
Hiei: I ate too much *moans* ohhhh mommy...  
  
Kurama: *Shakes his head* What am I going o do with you? Oh well, guess you'll just have to stay in here while I go out and...mingle.  
  
Hiei: Playstation...  
  
Kurama: Ah-ah, that's out of the question. Now you just sit there...or lay there.  
  
Hiei: *Moans*  
  
Kurama: *Shakes his head and goes out on deck*  
  
  
(9:00 PM on deck)  
  
Kurama: *To Captain* So how long till New York?  
  
Captain: Oh about a few hours yet.   
  
Kurama: Oh. Geesh its cold out here.  
  
Captain: Eh, that's just because we just hit an iceberg back there. Tore the bottom of the ship off, in a few minutes this thing should be splittin apart.  
  
Kurama: O_O!! WHAT?! WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
Captain: What, didn't you hear? This is the SS TITANIC GHOST SHIP, we're supposed to hit icebergs and die horrible deaths in the Atlantic Ocean.  
  
Kurama: I'M GONNA KILL YOOOU!  
  
Captain: Well not before you die first. *Ship tilts up until it's completely vertical*  
  
Kurama: OH SHIT I'M GONNA DIIIIIIE!  
  
Hiei: *Lost all his weight and is now on deck* What the hell is going on here?!  
  
Kurama: *Holding on to rail* YOU FOOL WE'RE SINKING!! *Ship splits in half* HIEI!  
  
Hiei: *On other half holding onto rail* DAMN YOU BAKA KITSUNE! Both halves sink*  
  
Kurama: *Surfaces and grabs onto driftwood* OH MY GOD IT'S COLD! *Looks around* Oh no, HIEI!   
  
Hiei: *Beside him* What?!  
  
Kurama: Huh? How'd you get there?  
  
Hiei: I swam duh! Now what say we get going?  
  
Kurama: We can't leave all these people here!  
  
Hiei: The hell we can't! *Swims* Come with me if you want to live.  
  
Kurama: ...*Follows him* Wait up!  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] Line from Lord of the Rings movie. I'm not sure if I got it right, my memory is horrible.  
  
[2] Anyone remember that line "White Men Can't Dance"? Eh, not to be offensive to anyone, I just thought it was funny. And I think I'm the only one who remembers Pee-Wee Herman and the tequila dance.  
  
[3] Liotta is the last name of Ray Liotta (not sure if I spelled it right) and I keep thinking its Loitta, but I'll never know. When used (by me of course) it means "stuff"  
  
Cell: And we leave you with a cliff hanger! Be assured we will return in like...8 hours.  
  
It wouldn't be a cliff hanger if it wasn't 6:30 in the morning. I am going to go to sleep now. Review and when I wake up I shall mock all flames, hug all good reviewers and listen to constructive criticism. Good morning America. Say good morning muses.  
  
Muses: Good morning muses. 


	9. HGN pt2

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
And I am back! Once again, I am tired.  
  
Muses: So are the muses.  
  
But this is what I get for suddenly getting inspiration at *checks clock* 2 in the a of m. Jeez, it's that early huh? Well anyway *whistles*   
  
Hiei: What is it?!  
  
Go hug our reviewers. Now.  
  
Hiei: Why?  
  
Because 1) you'll be out of a job 2) I'm going to hurt you and 3) I'm going to hurt you. Do it.  
  
Hiei: ...*thinks*  
  
Don't think do.  
  
Hiei: Oh fine. *Hugs reviewers mumbling "am I nothing but a slut for your pleasure!?" *  
  
Okiedokie! Now on to the fic—  
  
Cell: Hold it, you forgot something!  
  
What'd I forget?  
  
DD: Da disclaimer!  
  
Oh yeah. One of you do it.  
  
DD: Disclaimer: *hisses* we own NOTHING. Do you hear me? NOOOTHING unless noted other wise.  
  
Okay, anything else?  
  
Cell: Just that this is part 2 of the New Years' trilogy.   
  
Okay, now—  
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Hiei Goes to Nashville (New Years Edition) pt.2  
  
(Scene: Atlantic Ocean. The water is, like, 40 degrees)  
  
Hiei: We have been swimming with nothing but drift wood to hold us up for 6 hours. 6. HOURS.  
Kurama: I know, let's sing to pass the time! I need an easy friend[1]—  
Hiei: I do—  
Kurama: With an ear to lend—  
Hiei: I do—  
Kurama: Think you fit the shoe—  
Hiei: I do—  
Kurama: Won't you have a clue?  
Hiei: ...Well?  
Kurama: ...I forgot the other part.  
Hiei: I would hurt you if I weren't so numb.  
Kurama: And you need me!  
Hiei: *Snort* How do you figure that?  
Kurama: 1) you don't know where your going and 2) you neeeeeeeeeed me!  
Hiei: ...I don't care if I don't know where I'm going and I don't "neeeeeeeeeed" you of all people!  
Kurama: ...*Sniffle* I don't care what you say you need me because I'm your friend and you know it—  
Hiei: Land—  
Kurama: and if it weren't for me you would be dead—  
Hiei: Land—  
Kurama: And—*runs aground* why didn't you tell me there was land here.  
Hiei: I did and if you would've shut your trap up for one second you'd realized I was talking to you! Now where are we?  
Kurama: How should I know?   
Hiei: Mr. I-know-so-much! You should know!  
Kurama: Well there's only one way to find out! Walk!  
Hiei: ...*Thinks* Ocean or walking wit Kurama...decisions, decisions...  
  
(9:00 AM)  
Kurama: We've...been walking...for 7 hours...  
Hiei: ...  
Kurama: Hiei? I remembered the rest of that song...  
Hiei: ...  
Kurama: *Sings* I'll take advantage while[2]—  
Hiei: *Sings* You hang me out to dry—  
Kurama: but I can't see you every night—  
Hiei: For f—  
(Big truck comes out of no where)  
Hiei: Hey Kurama! We're on a ROAD!!  
Kurama: Let's get off! *Jumps to the left*  
Hiei: *Jumps to the right. Truck barely misses them*  
Kurama: Hey look, it's a sign. *Reads* Welcome to California...hey Hiei, we're in California!  
Hiei: Yay, how long till New York?  
Kurama: Hm...on foot it'd take us.....a very, VERY long time.  
Hiei: But not on foot?  
Kurama: That's the problem we have no CHOICE but on foot...unless we find an Airport. I wonder what the nearest city is...*whips map out of nowhere*  
Hiei: You have a map?! You KNEW where we WERE?!  
Kurama: Actually no, but I just remembered I had a map!  
Hiei: ....I am this close to killing you.  
Kurama: But you n—  
Hiei: What's the nearest city?!  
Kurama: Oh, right. Hmm....Klamath Falls Oregon.   
Hiei: How far is that?  
Kurama: 200 miles east.  
Hiei: ...And there's no city closer than that?  
Kurama: Nope. We'll be walking for a bit.  
Hiei: Great, why are we wasting time?!  
  
(6 hours later)  
Kurama: With the lights off[3]—  
Hiei: It's less dangerous—  
Kurama: Here we are now—  
Hiei: Entertain us—  
Kurama: I feel stupid—  
Hiei: And contagious—hey we're there! Amen!   
Kurama: Yeesh, now to see if they have an airport!  
  
(Warning: Authoress has done no research on city of Klamath Falls so if anythings wrong, ignore it and move on with your life)   
  
Kurama: Wow...it sure is...busy...!  
Hiei: Indeed. Let us find an airport before I pass out from the heat.  
Kurama: Okay...hmmm let's see...*walks west* usually most airports are found in the west...Hiei? *Looks around* Where'd he go?  
Hiei: *Hot-wires an SUV* Be there in a sec...*crosses wires* AH HAHAHA! LIIIIVE! LIIIIIIIVE!   
Kurama: ...Oh well, no one's driving it. *Tosses Hiei in the trunk and get's in driver's seat* Lets go then. *Speeds off*  
Man who owned car: HEY! THAT'S MY DAUGHTER'S SUV!!  
Kurama: Y'know Hiei, I have no clue where I'm going and this thing has no radio. Wanna pick up where we left off?  
Hiei: Why not? We were almost done with the album.  
Kurama: *Sings* Here we are now—  
Hiei: *Sings from trunk* Entertain us—  
  
(After 2 hours of driving)  
Kurama: *Sings* You want it all but you can't have it[4]—  
Hiei: *Sings* It's in your face but you can't grab it—  
Kurama: *Stops singing* Hiei?  
Hiei: What?  
Kurama: Do you realize we've just gone through all 3 Nirvana albums including the last song they did, 2 Foo Fighters albums and now we're doing Faith No More. What the hell happened?  
Hiei: I have no idea. And we should've found a damn airport by now!   
Kurama: Yes, we should have—*double-takes* and we did! Huzzah, my driving skills have saved us again! *Pulls into Klamath Falls Airport*  
Hiei: *Kurama takes him out of the trunk* Did you just say "huzzah"?  
Kurama: Ugh, no this is no time to be an English teacher! Come on, we need to catch a plane! Onward young man, to New York!  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] [2] & [3] All songs by Nirvana for those who didn't know  
  
[4] Does anyone remember that band Faith No More? They did that song "Epic" and that was an excerpt from the song. I'm probably the only one who remembers, but they WERE 1-hit wonders after all.  
  
Heh-heh...another cliffie. I can't help it, it will all fall into place by the next chapter I promise! If it doesn't...that means I'm a liar and this will no longer be a trilogy.  
  
Cell: Next: Part 3 (pray it's the final part)  
  
DD: Review please! 


	10. HGN pt3

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Happy New Years folks!  
  
DD: It's just the 30th!  
  
*Checks clock* Not anymore, it's 1:00 AM! Gasp, it's just 1:00! I may finally get to sleeeeeeeeeeeep!  
  
Cell: *Watching Twilight Zone marathon* Uh-huh.  
  
Oooh, Rod Serling!   
  
DD: *Watches too* I've seen this one.   
  
Cell: Shouldn't you guys be doing some stuff?  
  
Like?  
  
Cell: The fic for one.  
  
Oh yeah, I forgot. Okay, this is the finale of my second trilogy, entitled the New Years trilogy...yeah. And for those of you who have been waiting, Hiei finally goes to Nashville where chaos ensues. And Kurama fades into the background once again as usual.   
  
DD: *Whistles*  
  
Kurama: Yes?  
  
Go hug our reviewers why don't you?  
  
Kurama: Uh, okay. *Go hugs reviewers*  
  
There. He cooperates more than Hiei. *Watches Twilight Zone marathon*  
  
DD: *Watches it too*  
  
Kurama: ...Guys?   
  
Muses and Author: Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do...  
  
Kurama: ...Begin Transmission *Gives in and watches marathon*  
_______________________________________________________________  
Hiei Goes to Nashville (New Years Edition) pt.3  
  
(Scene: Klamath Falls Airport)   
  
Kurama: *Purchasing tickets* I knew this Personal International Money Converter would come in handy!  
  
Hiei: ...Mustn't...kill...fox...  
  
Kurama: Okay, I've got our stuff let's go wait for the plane. *Sits in vast lobby*  
  
Hiei: Well, this has been most terrible.  
  
Kurama: Wanna sing to pass time?  
  
Hiei: ...What have we not done?!  
  
Kurama: Hmmm...ah-ha.  
  
  
(1 hours later)  
  
Kurama: *Singing* There ain't gonna be no more beggin you please[1]—  
  
Hiei: *Singing* You know what I want and it ain't one of these—  
  
Kurama: You're bad to the bone—  
  
Hiei: And you girlfriend agreed—  
  
Kurama: That falling in love is so hard on the knees—  
  
Intercom: 1:00 flight to New York, 1:00 flight to New York...  
  
Kurama: Well, that's us! Finally, things seem to be going our way!  
  
Hiei: Your way you mean.   
  
Kurama: ...You bitter goat. Let's just go, we'll still make it in time to book a hotel room. *Walks off*  
  
  
(On the airplane)  
  
Kurama: This is going to be so cool! Hey, lets sing again! ...Hiei? *Looks around* ...Oh shit. How did I loose him?! Nature is NOT on my side.  
  
Pilot: Welcome aboard flight 667 this is your captain speaking. We are now taking off—  
  
Kurama: STOP THE PLANE!  
  
Pilot: Ma'am we are now 3,000 feet in the air I can't just STOP the plane.  
  
Kurama: Man this plane moves fast. AND I AM A F**KING MAN!!  
  
  
(On the next plane over)  
  
Hiei: I wonder what New York is like? Hmmm...something's not right here...Kurama is being quiet...*looks around him* ...Oh no, that moron must've boarded the wrong plane! ...Ah well, he'll catch up.   
  
Lady next to him: *Country accent* I can't believe I'm goin ta Nashville! Country music capital of da world!  
  
Hiei: Wait, where's this thing going?  
  
LNTH: Nashville of course!  
  
Hiei: What?! ...What are the odds that I was wrong? Damn, I wonder if I can survive a 300,000 foot drop?[2] *looks out window* ...Why risk it?  
  
  
(5:00 PM in New York)  
  
Kurama: *Walking through city* Damn, damn, damn, damn! Curse that illiterate little munchkin! ...*Chibi-fies* But he's MY munchkin! WAAAAAAAAH! I lost my munchkin AGAIN!  
  
  
(4:00 PM Nashville[3])  
  
Hiei: Whoa, what a small city! *Spots car* Hmmmm...*shrugs and hijacks car* Well, I can either spend New Years here or I can find muh fox. *Swerves off*  
  
Lady who owned car: HEY! I STOLE THAT FIRST!!  
  
Hiei: *Holds up middle finger* Piss off biatch!  
  
  
(45 minutes later)  
  
Hiei: Where the hell am I? *Stops at traffic light and sees homeless person* Hey you, do you know where I am?!  
  
Homeless guy: You're on Whitebridge Road!  
  
Hiei: Hmm...he could be useful... *to HG* Hey, hop on in! I need directions!  
  
HG: Wow, awesome! *Gets in car*  
  
Hiei: *Drives* Just so you know, I know 17 ways to kill you with a blade of grass so don't try anything stupid.   
  
HG: *Puts gun away* Yes sir.  
  
  
(New York)  
  
Kurama: Damn it, now where could he have gone too?! Okay Kurama, just retrace your steps...okay, we were at the airport...singing...grabbed hold of...THAT'S IIIT! But now to find out where he went to...*snaps fingers* Ah-ha again.  
  
  
(Downtown Nashville)  
  
Hiei: Where are we now?  
  
HG: Eh, downtown. Wanna stop and get sumthin ta eat? Yer runnin outta gas too.  
  
Hiei: I suppose. Oooh, McDonalds! *Pulls up in parking lot*  
  
  
(30 minutes later)  
  
Hiei: *He and homeless guy come running out of McDonalds* RUN FOOL!  
  
HG: I AM! *Jumps in car and presses pedal*  
  
Hiei: *Jumps on hood of car. Car doughnut swirls out of parking lot*  
  
  
(20 minutes later)  
  
Hiei: Well that was fun. Give me a burger.  
  
HG: *Hands him a burger* So where to?  
  
Hiei: *Swallows burger whole* I dunno. Hey, you wouldn't happen to know Ozzy Osbourne would you?  
  
HG: Do I?!  
  
  
(New York)  
  
Yokou Kurama: *In Madison Square in a kilt with a sword leading an army of demons* DEMONS OF THE MAKAI, LEND ME YOUR EARS! WE MUST FIND HIEI THE FIRE DEMON BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT! THOSE WHO OPPOSE I WILL PERSONALLY KICK YOUR ASS! ARE YOU WITH ME?!  
  
Demons: YAY!  
  
Y. Kurama: I luuuuv doing this even though there's NO reason! *to demons* LEAVE ALL THAT CAN BE SPARED! WE TRAVEL LIGHT! MWA HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
  
(9:00 Nashville)  
  
Hiei: *At Crack house* Hey, this was a good idea! Plus I'm surrounded by whores!  
  
HG: *Smokes blunt* Yup. I've got the munchies.  
  
Hiei: *Downs bottle of Milwaukee Best. Passes HG burger* Good thing we stole 45 burgers from McDonalds. Well, turn on the 36 inch, I wanna see the parade!  
  
Random Crack-head: *Turns on TV* I wish I saw the Gay Pride parade.  
  
Hiei: Me too. *Downs bottle of Bud* Screw Sake, beer is gooooooooooooooood. Ooh, baton twirlers!  
  
HG: Those skirts get shorter every year.  
  
RCH: I think I just saw her vagina.  
  
Hiei: That's a girl?  
  
  
(Y. Kurama & the AoD)  
  
Y. Kurama: *Riding the back of a demon* If I must find my munchkin I'm doin' it in style! ONWARD! ONWARD I SAY!!  
  
  
(10:30 Nashville)  
  
Hiei: *On the porch* I am sooo drunk. *Downs the last of a six pack*  
  
RCH: *With portable TV* Only 1 hour till New Years.  
  
Guy next door: *Arguing with his wife*  
  
Wife: *Draws gun*  
  
HG: Hey, shouldn't we call the police?!  
  
Hiei: Shut up, I can't hear what they're saying!  
  
Wife: I NEVER LOVED YOU!  
  
Guy: YOU BITCH! Why didn't you tell me you were a man?!  
  
Wife: Why didn't you tell ME you killed Ginger Spice?!  
  
Guy: ...*Shoots his wife*  
  
Wife: *Dying. Shoots guy. They both die*  
  
Hiei: ...Damn. Now we call the police. *Downs six pack in 12 seconds*  
  
  
(11 Downtown Nashville)  
  
Y. Kurama: *Leading army of demons* WAH HAHAHAHAHA! THE SPANISH INQUISITION[4] HAS ARRIIIIIIIVED!! Search every corner boys! Leave no pebble unturned!!  
  
  
(11:30 PM Crack house)   
  
Hiei: *Singing* May all acquaintance—  
  
HG: *Singing* Be forgot—  
  
RCH: *Singing* And never brought to mind!  
  
All: *Hum the rest*  
  
Hiei: Man, this has been fun! *Downs whiskey* I love you guys!  
  
HG: Nice gettin buzzed with ya H-dog.   
  
  
(6 minutes later Y. Kurama and army of demons comes busting through)  
  
Hiei: *Chokes on 3rd bottle of whiskey* Kurama?!  
  
Y. Kurama: HIEI! I have come to save you!  
  
Hiei: From WHAT?!  
  
Y. Kurama: ...You mean you weren't kidnapped?!  
  
Hiei: No you idiot!  
  
Y. Kurama: ...Damn it.  
  
Hiei: You did all this just to save me?  
  
Y. Kurama: ...Yes...  
  
Hiei: ...AWWWWWW! How sweet! You MORON. Just get your ass up here and help me down this liquor.  
  
Normal Kurama: Uh oookaay. Hey demons! You are dismissed!  
  
Demons: *Go back to the Makai*   
  
Hiei: Hey, let's sing a song!  
  
HG: Why?  
  
Hiei: Because I'm bored and waiting for the damn ball to come down. Anyone know Aerosmith?  
  
RCH: Let's do Alice in Chains!  
  
Hiei: Fine.  
  
(11:59 PM)  
  
Kurama: *Downs bottle of whiskey* 10...  
  
Hiei: *Downs Bud* 9...  
  
RCH: *Smokes blunt* 8...  
  
HG: *Drinks vodka* 7...  
  
Kurama: *Picks up bottle of vodka* 6...  
  
Hiei: *Picks up Bud* 5...  
  
RCH: *Picks up whiskey* 4...  
  
HG: *Picks up Milwaukee Best* 3...  
  
All: 2...1...Happy New Year. Cheers. *Toast*  
  
Kurama: Well, it's been nice getting drunk and high with you guys. Happy New Year Hiei.  
  
Hiei: Happy New Year moron *hugs Kurama*  
  
Kurama: Awww, my munchkin hugged me even though he's too drunk to realize it. *Hugs him back*  
  
RCH: Awwww, how cute! They make a lovely couple.  
  
HG: But the red head's a guy!  
  
RCH: Seriously? Damn, I was gonna screw 'im.  
  
  
  
(The next day at Kurama's)  
  
Hiei: *Wakes up on floor with MASSIVE hang-over* Aw shit, was it all a dream?  
  
Kurama: *From his room with equally massive hang-over* Nooo...  
  
Hiei: Well, we welcomed the New Year drunken and high as heaven. How do ya feel?  
  
Kurama: Horrible. I can't feel my legs.  
  
Hiei: Me neither. Let's do that again next time. And Kurama?  
  
Kurama: Yeah?  
  
Hiei: The next time I get lost or something, DON'T come after me in a kilt with a massive army of demons trying to "save" me.   
  
Kurama: *Groans*  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] "Fallin In Love (Is Hard on the Knees)" by Aerosmith  
  
[2] Hey, this may just be me, but I don't think any mortal can survive a 300,000 foot drop! Even if Hiei could, he would more that likely be severely injured  
  
[3] Let's pretend there's an hour difference between New York and Nashville even though I think it's like 2...  
  
[4] From Monty Python  
  
And if I skipped anything or if you have any questions, drop me a line.  
  
DD: Next: Hiei VS El Nino   
  
Cell: Review. *Goes back to Twilight Zone Marathon* 


	11. Hiei VS El Nino

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
H'wdy folks! Oh and thanks to ALL my reviewers! So, instead of ME hugging you all, I'll just make Hiei and Kurama do it again. Go for it guys.  
  
Kurama: -_- Why did I answer the summons? *Hugs reviewers*  
  
Hiei: *Follows behind him blindfolded and gagged* Why me?!  
  
Okiedokie! Now that you've all had your hugs, I present to you my latest bad idea. *Watches Twilight Zone marathon* Oh and Happy New Year.  
  
Cell: Ditto. *Watches marathon*  
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Hiei VS El Nino   
  
(Scene: January 1 at Kurama's house. 7:00 AM. It's dark except for the glow of the television screen)  
  
Kurama: *Walks downstairs* *Yawns* Hiei, what are you doing? It's 7 o'clock in the morning!  
  
Hiei: Shh I'm watching the Twilight Zone marathon!  
  
Kurama: Shouldn't that be off by now?  
  
Hiei: It lasts for 2 days.  
  
Kurama: Well I want to watch the news. *Plops down on couch and takes remote*  
  
Hiei: Hey!  
  
Kurama: It'll be on when I turn it back!   
  
Weather Forecaster: —and the Tokyo region it looks like we'll be getting 1 foot of snow! And now your weekly temperatures!  
  
Kurama: 23, 45, 67, 80, 10, 50, 28?!   
  
Hiei: Snow, snow, rain, hurricane, partly cloudy, sleet and blizzard huh? Yeesh, what's with this weather?  
  
Kurama: Must be El Nino again. Comes every 2-7 years y'know.  
  
Hiei: El Nino? Oh well, at least we're getting snow.  
  
Kurama: I suppose. Okay, you can have your marathon now. *Tosses Hiei the remote*  
  
Hiei: *Watches marathon* Do-do-do-do-do-do-do[1]...  
  
  
  
(Later that day)  
  
Hiei: *Asleep on the couch* Do...do...do...  
  
Kurama: *Opens door* Oh my GOD!  
  
Hiei: *Wakes up* Hm? Wha?  
  
Kurama: Oh we're just snowed in and a t—  
  
Hiei: Snow?! YAY! *Runs in closet and comes out in over coat and mittens and a hat*  
  
Kurama: What are you doing?  
  
Hiei: It's snow!  
  
Kurama: And—  
  
Hiei: Move! *Shoves Kurama outta the way*  
  
Kurama: It's not just—  
  
Hiei: *Is swept away by tornado*  
  
Kurama: snow. It's a tornado too. *Shrugs* He'll live...I think.  
  
  
  
(2 hours later)  
  
Kurama: *Sitting on couch reading paper* 4 killed, 2 injured by tornado earlier today...I wonder where Hiei is?  
  
Hiei: *Walks in. Has a tree branch going through his head*  
  
Kurama: Oh, there you are. What happened?  
  
Hiei: I fell on a tree. *Pulls tree branch out of his head* Then this guy named Goku gave me a senzu bean[2]. *Eats senzu and wound heals*   
  
Kurama: That's nice. Have fun?  
  
Hiei: Yeah. *Sits on couch. Turns TV to Twilight Zone marathon*   
  
Kurama: Tomorrow's snow too y'know.  
  
Hiei: Yay. Maybe I'll run outside again and get caught up in a hurricane.  
  
Kurama: Maybe.  
  
  
  
(The next day)  
  
Kurama: HIEI! I'm off to work!  
  
Hiei: *From upstairs* You have a job?!  
  
Kurama: ...-_-() Yes I have a job, you ungrateful jerk.  
  
Hiei: Does this mean I have the house to my self?  
  
Kurama: Yes it does. Now I must go. See ya! *Walks out door. Gets in car and fish-tails out of driveway*  
  
Hiei: *Jumps down stairs in his boxer shorts with a boom-box* *Sings* Musha ring dum-a doo dum-a da...whack fo' my daddy-o, whack fo' my daddy-o there's whiskey in the jar-o! *Slides into kitchen and starts doing dishes* I took all of his money, it was a pretty penny...I took all of his money, and I brought home to Molly[3] *knock at door*  
  
Hiei: Who is it?! *Knock-knock-knock* Dang it. *Turns boom box off and answers door*  
  
Guy at door: Hello there!  
  
Hiei: Who are you?  
  
GAD: I'm El Nino!  
  
Hiei: Wha?  
  
El Nino: I'm El Nino! Ya see that tsunami? Well, I'm afraid your house is in the way and I REEEEEALLY don't want to bu-ut it's gonna hafta come down.   
  
Hiei: Wait a sec, you mean YOU'RE the one who's been causing all this screwed weather?  
  
El Nino: Yup, and my twin La Nina. Crazy ain't it? Okay, your house is gonna have to come down now.  
  
Hiei: Oh, okay—hold up partna, I can't let you do that! This isn't my house!  
  
El Nino: Who's is it?   
  
Hiei: It's...uh...my wife's!  
  
El Nino: ...Then wouldn't it still be your house?  
  
Hiei: *Thinks of all the times Kurama's threatened to rip his balls off* ...She is veeeeeeeeeeery controlling and would be extremely mad at me if I let her house be ripped apart by a tsunami.  
  
El Nino: That's too bad. But your house is really gonna have to come down now.  
  
Hiei: You'll have to fight me for it!  
  
El Nino: ...I guess I can do that. *Calls off minions and transports them to fighting arena*   
  
Hiei: *Looks around*  
  
El Nino: Choose yer weapon! *Picks up bat*  
  
Hiei: A bat? Oh puh-leze! *Draws sword* Bring it on liddle man! *Lunges at El Nino*  
  
El Nino: *Breaks bat over Hiei's head*  
  
Hiei: *Blinded by blow* Okay, so you got lucky...  
  
El Nino: *Grabs steel bat*  
  
Hiei: *Recovers sight* Okay, now die! *Lunges at El Nino again*  
  
El Nino: *Bends bat over Hiei's head* This is gettin ugly man.  
  
Hiei: *Blinded* Okay, hit me once, shame on him. Hit me twice, shame on me.  
  
El Nino: *Picks up flaming sword* Are ya ready over there?  
  
Hiei: *Recovers* Yeah, I'm ready. *Picks up odd-looking-ball*  
  
El Nino: ...Aren't you gonna lunge at me?  
  
Hiei: No, I'm going to stand right here with my ball.  
  
El Nino: ...Riiight. Okay then, good bye. *Lunges with sword* HYAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Hiei: *Throws ball at El Nino's head*  
  
(Ball cracks open before it reaches El Nino's head and spirit comes out)  
  
Spirit: I call upon the forces of nature!   
  
El Nino: I am a force of nature! *Is blown away*  
  
Spirit: Exactly! *Disappears*  
  
Hiei: So that's what that does! *Picks up metal bat with steel handle* Come on!  
  
El Nino: *Lunges at Hiei*  
  
Hiei: EAT METAL MUTHFUCKA!   
  
  
(A few hours later)  
  
Hiei: *Lounging on the couch watching Twilight Zone marathon* Fool, he IS death...Robert Redford is hot...  
  
Kurama: *Walks in door* Ahhh, another day, another paycheck. Hey Hiei, what's up?  
  
Hiei: *Drools at Robert Redford*  
  
Kurama: ...*pokes Hiei*  
  
Hiei: *Snaps out of it* Huh, wha? Oh, hello Kurama.  
  
Kurama: What's been going on? The house looks nicer than usual...oh don't tell me you cleaned it!  
  
Hiei: I didn't, El Nino did.  
  
Kurama: ...El Nino? Hiei, that's a weather condition!   
  
Hiei: He WAS a weather condition. *Claps* EL NINO!  
  
El Nino: What H—  
  
Hiei: Ah-ah.  
  
El Nino: Ahem, MASTER Hiei.  
  
Hiei: See, I told you.  
  
Kurama: ...YOU'RE El Nino?!  
  
El Nino: Yep, dat's moi.   
  
Hiei: You're dismissed.  
  
El Nino: *Disappears*  
  
Kurama: ...My Lord. I think I'm just going...out...somewhere. *Walks out*  
  
Hiei: Okay. Ja ne.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
[1] Twilight Zone theme incase no one knew  
  
[2] Pulled a page from Dragonball Z. C'mon, I couldn't let Hiei die now could I?  
  
[3] "Whiskey in the Jar" by Metallica...or Thin Lizzy. See, it was done by Thin Lizzy then Metallica covered it. Still with me? No? Good.  
  
And there. As you can see, this particular chapter was more devoid of plot than all the others combined...but the next one will make some sense, promise!  
  
DD: Next: Green-Eyed Monster   
  
Cell: And consider this your first warning for that chapter: there will be possible yaoi (and NOT between Hiei and Kurama folks)  
  
Reviews make me write faster people! 


	12. GreenEyed Monster

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Well, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! Watching me attempt and fail at yaoi even if it is just humor.  
  
Cell: And to see who Kurama's mystery boyfriend is how Hiei's gonna kill the unlucky bastard.  
  
DD: Oh yes you will be surprised. I'm not giving any hints either cause a hint would give it away. A warning would too...ah no it won't. Go for it Doc.  
  
Warnings: Hmmm...yaoi or no yaoi...bah, well it KINDA is. Wait, no it's not just implied. Damnit I tell ya I freeze when it comes ta sex!  
  
DD: Okay, enough stalling let's see what da Doc can do.  
  
Cell: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Green-Eyed Monster  
  
(Scene: Kurama's house. Hiei is watching the last 9 hours of the Twilight Zone marathon. Kurama is out)  
  
Hiei: I have GOT to find this movie. I wonder where Kurama is.  
  
El Nino: *Leans over couch* He said he was going out.  
  
Hiei: But out where?  
  
El Nino: *Shrugs* Bah, who knows? Whoa, he's got three arms!  
  
Hiei: And he has three eyes! I wish I could have an eye removed from my head like that.  
  
El Nino: ...That's stupid man!  
  
Hiei: *Flashes third eye* Is it El Nino, is it?  
  
El Nino: ...I suppose it's not. I'm gonna go up stairs now. *Goes upstairs*  
  
Hiei: You do that.  
  
Kurama: *Comes in through door* Oh Hiei, you won't BELIEVE what happened today!  
  
Hiei: You got run over by a truck and lived?  
  
Kurama: ...Uh no.  
  
Hiei: Then I'm dry.  
  
Kurama: ...You twit. I've got a BOYFRIEND!  
  
Hiei: ...Yer gay?  
  
Kurama: You know what? I guess I am!  
  
Hiei: Damn. Hey El Nino!  
  
El Nino: *From upstairs* What?!  
  
Hiei: Kurama's GAY!  
  
El Nino: Seriously?! Whoa!!  
  
Kurama: ...Right.  
  
Hiei: So who's the guy?  
  
Kurama: He's right outside. I'm having him live with us.  
  
Hiei: As long as he stays out of my personal space I'm fine.  
  
Kurama: Promise?  
  
Hiei: Cross me heart.  
  
Kurama: Yay! HEY KUWABARA!  
  
Hiei: OO!! WHAAAAAAAAT?!  
  
Kuwabara: *Pokes his head in* Oh, hey shorty! I didn't know you stayed here.  
  
Hiei: *Face frozen in a look of horror*   
  
Kuwabara: *To Kurama* Uh, is he okay?  
  
Kurama: Yeah, he's just in shock. Come on, I'll show you yer room. *Takes him upstairs*  
  
Hiei: *Face is still frozen in look of horror*  
  
El Nino: *Comes down stairs* Hey, did you see Kurama's boyfriend? He's not the best looking guy in the world, but he's kinda cute I guess. Has nice fashion sense! I've never seen anyone wear cashmere—Hiei?  
  
Hiei: *Goes into shock* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
El Nino: O_o?!   
  
Hiei: *has mental breakdown* Oh my LORD!!  
  
El Nino: *Slaps Hiei* Dude, your having a breakdown!!  
  
Hiei: *Calms down some* Th-thanks...I n-needed that...  
  
El Nino: Uh are you going to be alright?  
  
Hiei: *Grabs Nino's shirt* NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!! THAT FREAK OF NATURE IS MOVING IN ON MY TERRITORY!  
  
El Nino: O_O!!   
  
Hiei: *Drops Nino* I must reclaim my fox! *Paces* But how...I can't just call upon a massive army of demons and go around wearing a skirt and a sword conquering cities...  
  
El Nino: *Watching Twilight Zone marathon* Hey, it's my favorite one! The one about the doll!  
  
Hiei: Doll...*watches episode* ...That's IT! El Nino, you are a GENIUS!  
  
El Nino: I know that! ...What'd I do?  
  
Hiei: You just gave me a brilliant idea! And now, as my lackey, yer gonna help me OFF that red-haired bastard.  
  
El Nino: I take it you mean Kuwabara-san.  
  
Hiei: Yes, now here's what we're going to do.  
  
  
  
(Later that night)  
  
Kuwabara: *Sitting on the couch with Kurama* I wonder where Hiei is.  
  
Kurama: Don't know. He usually doesn't disappear like this...y'know, El Nino's gone too...I smell trouble afoot and I do NOT like it.  
  
Kuwabara: Aw don't worry Kura-kun; they're probably off doing...something...  
  
Kurama: ...You just may be right. Let's go upstairs. *Winks*  
  
Kuwabara: *Oblivious* Okiedokie. *They go upstairs*  
  
Hiei: *Comes out of shadows*  
  
El Nino: *Comes from under couch* If I hadn't seen you do that I wouldn't have believed it.  
  
Hiei: It's a gift. *Hears shouts and moans from upstairs* It's time to KILL! *Takes out notepad and pencil. Writes*  
  
El Nino: *Sets up ladder at top of stairs* What are you writing?  
  
Hiei: *Grins* Suicide note. If it looked like a murder it'd be automatically linked to me and you.   
  
El Nino: *Cringes at screams and moans* I wonder if we'll have enough time?  
  
Hiei: ...Oh they shall be busy for a while. Get going.  
  
El Nino: Fine—wait, won't Kurama-san recognize your handwriting?  
  
Hiei: I am a master of handwriting me friend.  
  
El Nino: ...Man, will you ever cease to amaze me?  
  
Hiei: Probably not. Let's get to work.  
  
  
  
(Early the next morning)  
  
Kuwabara: *Walks out in pajamas. Has suicide note on his back* I wonder if it's natural for my back to be hurting...oh, what's this? *Sees rope hanging over ladder* Hmmm...that shouldn't be there. *Climbs ladder. There's a note at the top* "Put your head through"...oh, suuuuure. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I'm not an idiot!   
  
El Nino: *From downstairs* Yes you are! *Dashes off*  
  
Kuwabara: What the hell—HEY! *Accidentally sticks his head through rope*  
  
Hiei: *Pushes ladder. Cackles*  
  
Kuwabara: Yikes! *Waves his arms but lands unharmed on the first step*   
  
Hiei: OO!! What the?!  
  
Kuwabara: *Slowly turns his head around* Hiei...what are you doing there...in gloves...?  
  
Hiei: Oh, uh, I was just going down stairs!  
  
Kuwabara: But why are you on the floor...in leather gloves...?  
  
Hiei: I...tripped...  
  
Kuwabara: Leather gloves?  
  
Hiei: ...I'm a Michael Jackson fan.  
  
Kuwabara: He doesn't—  
  
Hiei: OH EL NINO!  
  
El Nino: *Shoots rope*  
  
Kuwabara: WHOA! *Falls down stairs. Lands in a heap*  
  
Hiei: That's quite an un-natural position! He's DEAD! *Cackles* The fox is MIIIINE!  
  
El Nino: *Thinks* This fool is crazy and a liiittle TOO obsessed.  
  
Hiei: Let's split! *He and Nino run like hell*  
  
Kurama: *Rushes downstairs. Sees Kuwabara* NOOOOOO! MY LOVE! *Reads suicide note. Pulls senzu[1] out of no where*   
  
Kuwabara: *Eats senzu* Ow, what happened?  
  
Kurama: *Slaps Kuwabara* DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN DAMNIT! *Storms off*  
  
Kuwabara: Okay...what did I do?  
  
  
  
(Later that day)  
  
Hiei & El Nino: *Walk in looking discouraged*  
  
Kurama: Hiei, El Nino! Why the long faces?  
  
Hiei: *Mutters incoherently*  
  
El Nino: *Silently goes upstairs*  
  
Kurama: Hiei, what's wrong?  
  
Hiei: I couldn't find the Twilight Zone movie anywhere!   
  
Kurama: Awww...*Sobs* MY BOYFRIEND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!  
  
Hiei: *Thinks* I forgot about that! *Speaks* Oh, I'm sure you'll find someone else!  
  
Kurama: *Stops crying* Oh, he's fine. I found a senzu.  
  
Hiei: *Jaw hits ground* He WHA?! *Rushes to El Nino's Room*  
  
El Nino: *Playing PS2* Wazzup?  
  
Hiei: We need to think of another plan! Damnit, the man LIVED!  
  
El Nino: What?! That plan was fool-proof!  
  
Hiei: I know! Shit! *Runs back downstairs*  
  
Kurama: *Raises eyebrow* What was that?  
  
Hiei: Oh nothing, nothing.  
  
Kurama: ...I'M KEEPING MY EEEEEYE ON YOU KOOOOORIIMEEEEEE!  
  
Hiei: *Scared* I know! Don't hurt me!  
  
Kurama: Hmph. I and my boyfriend are gonna have an orgy at Yuusuke's house. Care to join?  
  
Hiei: ...  
  
Kurama: Take that as a no. I'm off. Ta-ta! *Leaves*  
  
Hiei: ...NOOOO! KURAMA!  
  
El Nino: *Comes back down stairs* What now homes?  
  
Hiei: *Eye twitches* I don't...know...  
  
El Nino: I could always get Nina to send a storm down here...nah, to suspicious cuz not many people know her...I'm bone-dry.  
  
Hiei: Nino, I have no choice.  
  
El Nino: What are we going to do?  
  
Hiei: *Stands up* COME BOY! TONIGHT, WE RIDE!  
  
El Nino: ...Oh shit what have I gotten myself into?  
  
  
  
(At the Orgy)  
  
Kurama: *In black leather* This is fun!  
  
Kuwabara: *In a dress* Indeed. Hey, anyone else feel that rumbling?  
  
Hiei & El Nino: *Bust in the wall wearing red kilts with swords and a huge tsunami wave and a back of demons behind them*  
  
Kurama: *Rips of leather to reveal a kilt and sword* Hey! Only I can rip off Braveheart goddamnit!   
  
Hiei: KUWABARA! You can take my freedom, you can crush my pride, hell you KILL me if that were at all possible but no one, NO ONE TAKES What IS MIIINE!  
  
Kuwabara: *Quickly changes clothes* What the HELL!?   
  
Hiei: CHARGE MEN! TAKE NO PRISONERS! *Demons charge*  
  
El Nino: *Cackles and unleashes tsunami*   
  
  
(3 weeks of battle later...at Kurama's house)  
  
Kurama: *Has multiple bruises and broken bones and a black eye* Y'know...maybe going out with Kuwabara WASN'T such a good idea...  
  
Hiei: *Broken arm* No it wasn't.  
  
Kurama: You know...I think you were JEALOUS!  
  
El Nino: *Fractured leg* *sarcastically* No, what gave you THAT idea?  
  
Kurama: The fact that he ripped off Braveheart and took it too far...  
  
Hiei: Oh that wasn't jealousy that was ANGER!   
  
El Nino: But you know what? This aaaall had a happy ending!  
  
Hiei: And what would that be?  
  
El Nino: I taped the Twilight Zone movie...both of them!  
  
Hiei: What?! AWSOME!   
  
El Nino: I know. Now as soon as we can all walk we'll watch it.  
  
Hiei: That could be a while yet.  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] C'mon, if I let Kuwabara die this would be over too soon!  
  
And there's the rise and fall of the short lived romance between Kuwabara and Kurama...wasn't it a shock?  
  
DD: Yes, yes it was.  
  
Cell: And we got to see Hiei rip off Braveheart. I was tired of Kurama doing it.  
  
DD: Next: Fame...Get's the Best of Us  
  
See you all...and review! 


	13. FameGets' The Best of Us

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
Eh-heh-heh...I see all who reviewed liked the last one huh?   
  
DD: Bet that woke someone up. To our insanity.  
  
Cell: You read a few chapters, you read the last one and suddenly you realize that you've stepped into something more than a normal fanfic...you, my friend, are in the Twilight Zone!  
  
...We have watched that too much.  
  
DD: Yup.   
  
Let's just do this.  
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Fame...Get's the Best of Us  
  
(Scene: Dark alleyway. Hiei and El Nino are face down in a dumpster)  
  
Hiei: *Wakes up* *Groggily* Ugh, what happened...wait a sec where the hell am I?! *Thumps Nino* Nino, Nino! Wake up damnit!   
  
El Nino: *Wakes up* Ow, ow, ow, ow...Hiei-san...?! Why are you in my room?  
  
Hiei: We're not in your room we're...*looks around and sniffs* In a dumpster?!  
  
El Nino: What?! *Looks around* ...Why? When? Who? What?  
  
Hiei: ...Where's Kurama?!  
  
El Nino: I...think we better find out how the hell we got in here! *Jumps out of dumpster. Looks down* Hiei...where are my pants?  
  
Hiei: O_O Where are your clothes?!  
  
El Nino: *Covers himself* Oh my God I'm naked!   
  
Hiei: *Jumps out of dumpster. Looks down at himself* AHHH! I'M NAKED!  
  
El Nino & Hiei: *Looks at each other*  
  
Hiei: I feel really gay now.  
  
El Nino: So do I. Do you work out?  
  
Hiei: It's just natural...  
  
El Nino: Okay, let's go find our clothes. Nice package.  
  
Hiei: When this is all over I'm gonna act like you didn't say that. *Searches dumpster*   
  
El Nino: Nice ass man. *Searches dumpster*  
  
Hiei: Nino?  
  
El Nino: What?  
  
Hiei: Shut. Up.  
  
El Nino: Sorry.  
  
  
  
(30 minutes later in the alley)  
  
Hiei: *Has his clothes on* Okay now let's get outta here.  
  
El Nino: *Has his pants on* Right. *Walks out of alley*  
  
Hiei: *Follows him* We've still yet to figure out how the hell we got out there...  
  
El Nino: Let's just find Kurama-san THEN figure out how we—Hiei?  
  
Hiei: *Stops* Oh no.  
  
El Nino: What is it?  
  
Hiei: I...can't sense his youki[1]...  
  
El Nino: Is that good?  
  
Hiei: No.  
  
El Nino: What does it mean?  
  
Hiei: It means 1 of 2 things: he's dead or...  
  
El Nino: Or what man?!  
  
Hiei: He's dead. Or he's out of range but most of the time it would mean he's dead.  
  
El Nino: What?! No way, Kurama can't be dead! We're probably just out of range, no tellin where the hell we are. Just how far IS out of range?  
  
Hiei: Faaaaaaaaar.  
  
El Nino: Then we must be far out. Let's keep walking.   
  
Hiei: Why, his house is right there.  
  
El Nino: ...Shit.  
  
Hiei: I told you. *Walks in house*  
  
El Nino: *Follows him* Dude, uh maybe he was kidnapped!  
  
Hiei: What?!  
  
El Nino: Okay, we need to figure out what happened last night. What do you remember?  
  
Hiei: Well...we went to that Rolling Stones concert.  
  
El Nino: Whoa, you mean that wasn't a dream?!  
  
Hiei: Uh-uh...we went to that concert...  
  
  
  
---------Flashback-----------  
  
(Rolling Stones concert. 8:00 PM)  
  
Kurama: I still can't believe I got tickets! Those damn things were like 90 a piece...  
  
El Nino: Who are the Rolling Stones again?  
  
Hiei: *Sings* Your not the only one with mixed emotions[2]...  
  
El Nino: Oh yeah...ooh, that was them? I like that song.  
  
Kurama: You and hundreds upon thousands of other people.   
  
El Nino: Can I sit down now?  
  
Kurama: Why risk the chance of being trampled to death by screaming rabid fans?  
  
El Nino: O_o?  
  
Hiei: *Shrugs* I guess we stand. Shouldn't this thing have start—*lights dim* there we go. *Band comes out and does "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"*  
  
El Nino: *Sings* A little less conversation, a little more action. All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me[3]—  
  
Hiei: Wrong song idiot!  
  
El Nino: Oh yeah...wait there's another one?  
  
------Pause-------  
  
Hiei: *Thwaps El Nino on the head* Idiot!   
  
El Nino: Yeesh, forgive me! I can't help it I forgot!  
  
Hiei: Well that's all I remember. But that still doesn't explain how we got in the dumpster and where Kurama is buried!  
  
El Nino: HE'S NOT DEAD DAMN YOU!  
  
Hiei: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?!  
  
El Nino: Tsuna—  
  
Hiei: Okay, okay he's alive! But the question is where is he and why can't I remember?  
  
El Nino: Because we were cold-cocked idiot.  
  
Hiei: ...El Nino I hardly KNOW you!!  
  
El Nino: Huh? ...Oh you moron, I mean we were knocked out!  
  
Hiei: ...Sure you did. *Thinks* Wait a second, something's comin back...  
  
  
  
--------Resume--------  
  
El Nino: Oh yeah...wait there's another one?  
  
Hiei: ...Idiot.  
  
Kurama: *Ignores them. Grabs a girl's underwear and throws them* WHOOHOO!  
  
Hiei: Did you—  
  
El Nino: I did. Let's move over here and get a soda.  
  
Hiei: Right. *He and El Nino run to vending machine*   
  
El Nino: Hey, I feel a Stones song coming on!  
  
Hiei: Great you're learning.  
  
El Nino: Did they do "Give it Away"?  
  
Hiei: ...*Sings* Your love for me has got to be real before you'd have noticed how I feel love real not fade away well love real not fade away[4]  
  
El Nino: Oh, "Not Fade Away"! Eh-heh, my mistake.  
  
Hiei: Yes it was. *Lights shut off* What now?!   
  
El Nino: What da 'ell?! *Lights come back on. Vending machine is on fire* AHHHH!  
  
Hiei: *Walks other way* MOVE MORON!  
  
El Nino: *Jumps 3 feet* Dude, what was that?  
  
Hiei: I have no idea. Where'd Kurama get to?  
  
El Nino: I dunno—*lights shut off again* But I'm gonna blame one of these on technical difficulties and the other on an unholy presence.   
  
Hiei: Like?  
  
El Nino: I'll tell you when I think of one. Let's just find Kurama and get the hell outta here!  
  
-------End Flashback-------  
  
Hiei: And that's all I remember.  
  
El Nino: Let's see...we have a Rolling Stones concert, a light problem, and aaaall of this ties in to us in a dumpster and Kurama missing...but how the hell?!   
  
Hiei: What do you remember?   
  
El Nino: A world of hurt and a headache.   
  
Hiei: Come on, jog that hung over memory!  
  
El Nino: I...*thinks* I remember having sex with Pamela Anderson...  
  
Hiei: ...Oh my Kami we aren't getting anywhere! Damnit if only I could remember something else and you weren't such a moron!  
  
El Nino: Yep...hold up partna.  
  
Hiei: Oh that's it, let's just get our kilts and swords, find an army of demons and raid the damn city.  
  
El Nino: We can't do that! That's my job!  
  
Hiei: ...Die. *Proceeds to throttle Nino*  
  
El Nino: *Choke* Wait *Gag* I *Gasp* Remember* Cough, choke* Something!  
  
Hiei: *Lets him go* Okiedokie.   
  
El Nino: Ah-ha!  
  
-------Flashback-------  
  
El Nino: Let's go find Kurama and get out of here man!  
  
Hiei: Fine by me. Lead the way oh fearless leader.  
  
El Nino: I think I will! *Trips over Hiei's shoe*   
  
Hiei: You twit.  
  
El Nino: *On the ground* Keep it up buddy and I am SO going to unleash a monsoon season on this island. It's gonna be like hell on earth!  
  
Hiei: *Walks off* Come along slave.  
  
El Nino: *Grinds his teeth* Kill...  
  
Hiei: *Calls* KURAMA! YOU DAMN FOX WHERE ARE YOU?!  
  
El Nino: Why do you insist on calling him a fox?!  
  
Hiei: Because he's a 2-cent whore.  
  
El Nino: What?!  
  
Hiei: Er, he's a fox demon! Don't you know?  
  
El Nino: It's not exactly noticeable...wait a second, haha! Next you'll be telling me that your father was a fire demon and your mother was an ice maiden, she threw you off the edge of a floating city or something, and now you're a mean ass demon thief working with a detective from the Reikai! Dude, yer too much!  
  
Hiei: ...Oh my god...  
  
El Nino: I was right wasn't I?  
  
Hiei: Pree-ty much.  
  
El Nino: Man I am good.  
  
Kurama: Where have you guys been?  
  
El Nino: AHH! Where'd you come from?  
  
Kurama: Behind you.  
  
Hiei: Can we go now?  
  
Kurama: ...The concert's been over for 5 minutes. People are clearing out you idiots!  
  
Hiei: What?! Shit, how long have we been walking around!?  
  
El Nino: Well it's darker...I'd say about 2 and a half hours.  
  
Hiei: ...Damn.  
  
Kurama: *Shakes his head* Let's just go from I pass out from the idiocy. *Walks away*  
  
Hiei: Hai. *Follows*  
  
El Nino: Wait up! *Follows*  
  
--------Pause-----------  
  
Hiei: Alright...we left. So where else could he be?  
  
El Nino: Man, this is like that Twilight episode.   
  
Hiei: Huh? How so?  
  
El Nino: Remember the one where the drunk couple woke up in that deserted town?  
  
Hiei: And they were...kidnapped onto another planet....  
  
El Nino: Maybe Kurama was kidnapped onto another planet!  
  
Hiei: ...*Smacks him*  
  
El Nino: Or maybe not.  
  
Kurama: *Comes from upstairs* What are you two doing?  
  
El Nino: Oh my God! Kurama!   
  
Hiei: How the hell did you get there?  
  
Kurama: ...I've been here. It's 6 in the morning and the Twilight marathon has been over. Why are you up?  
  
El Nino: Trying to figure out what happened to you after the Rolling Stones concert!  
  
Kurama: ...What have you been smoking and where can I get some?! We haven't left the house you morons!  
  
Hiei: What? Then why did we wake up in a dumpster?!  
  
Kurama: How should I know? You two had some kind of bad acid trip last night and went running around the city!  
  
El Nino: So we just imagined the whole Stones concert?!  
  
Hiei: Damnit...  
  
Kurama: I'm going to go search your rooms 'cause you both obviously have some really good pot up there. *Goes back upstairs*  
  
El Nino: Oh my God...  
  
Hiei: What WERE we smoking?!  
  
El Nino: I have no idea...  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
[1] Someone remind me if its youkai or youki...aw hell from now on we'll just call it ki.   
  
[2] Rolling Stones song  
  
[3] Elvis song  
  
[4] Rolling Stones again  
  
And there...and notice the title had nothing to do with the story. I have a reason fer that you know. It's because...it's all I could think of at 2 in the morning but this one took a completely different turn from what I originally wanted sooo...oh well. G'night folks.  
  
DD: Nest: Babysitting. That one WILL have some meaning we swear! 


	14. Babysitting

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
Hello I'm back! And yesterday I noticed that I had gotten a little sorta flame. And to that person who said they would flame me if I made Kurama and Hiei gay well that person obviously hasn't been reading the damn thing!  
  
DD: The ayes had it kiddo.  
  
Cell: But maybe we have properly warned the yaoi/fluff/shounen-ai haters out there. Nay you say? Well then: For all you little sensitive people out there who hate above stated categories stop right here 'cause it's just going to get worse for you.  
  
I thought we mentioned that?  
  
Cell: Apparently not clearly enough. There, now we have.  
  
Okay, so there ya have it. Now you all read this chapter and I'll go try and figure out the difference between Saruman and Sarumon.  
  
DD: There's a difference?!  
  
As far as I know yes.  
  
Cell: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Babysitting  
  
(Scene: Several hours after last chapter in El Nino's room)  
  
El Nino: *Searching the drawers* Dude, where's that pot?! Whatever we were smokin that shit was gooooooooooooooood!  
  
Hiei: *Searching closet* Got that right.  
  
Kurama: *Nearly breaks door down. Shouting hysterically*  
  
El Nino: Hey, he found it!  
  
Hiei: Kurama, Kurama! Calm down and just point to where you found the LSD.  
  
Kurama: *Chills a bit* You twit I'm not on drugs my mother's in the hospital!  
  
Hiei: Nino, he didn't find it—your mother's in the hospital?!  
  
El Nino: His mother what? I thought Kurama was a—*Hiei socks him in the face* ow.  
  
Kurama: O_o Did I miss something?  
  
Hiei: No. Do tell about your mother.  
  
Kurama: My...! Damnit, they won't tell me why! I need you two to baby-sit the house. *Grabs keys*  
  
Hiei: Baby-sit a house? How?  
  
El Nino: He means watch the house.  
  
Hiei: Oh.  
  
Kurama: I'll only be gone for 7 hours tops kay? *Walks out door. Fish-tails out of drive way*  
  
El Nino: *Grins* Dude—  
  
Kurama: *Pulls up by window* IF YOU DO ANYTHING TO FUCK UP MY HOUSE I WILL PERSONALLY RIP YOUR BALLS OF AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROATS! *Swerves off again*  
  
El Nino: How does he do that?!  
  
Hiei: The world may never know. Let's just sit here and watch the house and may we keep out balls.  
  
El Nino: Right—hold up partna! Dude, we have a house, no, a MANSION all to our freakin selves dude!   
  
Hiei: I know...what are you getting at?  
  
El Nino: Dude, let's have a party!  
  
Hiei: Why?  
  
El Nino: Cuz it'd be fun!  
  
Hiei: But if we mess up Kurama's house we'll be eating our balls! EATING OUR BALLS.  
  
El Nino: I know that as well as you do, but we don't have to mess up Kurama's house...it could be a harmless party!  
  
Hiei: That's what the Beastie Boys said and didja see THAT video?  
  
El Nino: ...Actually no I didn't. How'd it go?  
  
Hiei: Let's just say screwed.  
  
El Nino: Okiedokie. Well I'll call my friends and you call yours.  
  
Hiei: What?! I said no party! And I don't have friends!  
  
El Nino: *Grabs cordless* Dat's okay, I gots enough for both of us! My friends are your friends!  
  
Hiei: What friends could a walking, talking, breathing weather condition possibly have?  
  
El Nino: Other weather conditions and gods duh!   
  
Hiei: ...Gods?! And what do you mean other weather conditions?! Like rain and sleet and snow?!  
  
El Nino: Er sorta. *Dials number* Just watch...*to phone* Yo Aphrodite! I'm having a party at a friend's house...uh-huh...right...okiedokie! Bye! *Hangs up*  
  
Hiei: Who's Aphrodite?  
  
El Nino: The Greek Venus.  
  
Hiei: Oh...wait you know Grecian Gods?!  
  
El Nino: Duh!  
  
Hiei: ...Shouldn't you know Spanish Gods?  
  
El Nino: Why?  
  
Hiei: Forget I asked. Alright, we'll have this party but if one thing goes wrong remember: we both die.  
  
El Nino: Nothing's going to go wrong! Just relax while I place a few phone calls...  
  
(2 hours later)   
  
Hiei: *In kitchen playing Twister with Bacchus, Nike and Hermes* ...Right foot yellow.  
  
Nike: My foot cannot stretch that far!  
  
Hermes: Make it because you are on my leg!  
  
Hiei: Both of you get off my back!  
  
Bacchus: Hiei, you're on my foot!  
  
El Nino: *Walks in* Uh what are you doing?  
  
Hiei: Trying to untangle each other!  
  
Nike: Hey, I finally got my right foot on yellow!  
  
Hiei: Yay. Left hand green.  
  
Bacchus: Okay who stepped on my hand?!  
  
El Nino: Uh riiight. I'll just get a sandwich and be on my way then. *Grabs hoagie and leaves*  
  
Hiei: Ouch! Get off me!  
  
Nike: It is your own fault for being so small!  
  
Hiei: I'm not short!  
  
(Outside)  
  
El Nino: Hi Nemesis. Yo Trivia!   
  
Rain: I'm better!  
  
Snow: I'm better! *they both fight*  
  
Hiei: *Comes out of kitchen followed by other gods* Nice game.  
  
El Nino: Out so soon?  
  
Hiei: Yup...why are Rain and Snow fighting?  
  
El Nino: They are? Shoot—  
  
Rain: *Hurricane rumbles in the distance* I'M BETTER!  
  
Snow: *Blizzard rolls forward* I'M BETTER!  
  
El Nino: Hey, only I can cause unusual weather up in here—  
  
Hiei: *Looks out window* Aw shit! Blizzard from the west—   
  
Venus: And hurricane from the east. We're in trouble.  
  
Snow: I am SO gonna cause an ICE AGE!  
  
El Nino: Shit.  
  
Rain: WILL NOT!  
  
El Nino: Shit twice.  
  
Hiei: Break them up idiot!  
  
El Nino: Breaking—too late.  
  
(Shortly after)  
  
El Nino: *In a pool of blood and water* What a party...  
  
Hiei: *Next to him* And Kurama's house was demolished. But that was fun.  
  
Kurama: *Hops out of car* I have re—WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
Hiei: Speaking of the devil. Kurama, what happened to your mother?  
  
Kurama: *Rolls sleeves up* Ah, she just tripped and broke her leg. Scared me half to death. Speaking of death...*Non-human voice* I AM GOING TO SHOVE YOUR BALLS DOWN YOUR THROATS!!!!  
  
Hiei: We know.  
  
El Nino: Nice knowing ya buddy.  
  
Hiei: Yep.  
  
Kurama: *Lunges at them* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!  
  
Hiei & El Nino: *Shriek like girls*  
  
_______________________________________________________________   
  
A fitful end to a sad, sad tale. I told you the next one would go along with the title and it does if you think hard! If anyone wants a list of the Gods mentioned just ask.  
  
DD: Next: Lord of the Braveheart Parodies  
  
Anyone remember what I said about no more trilogies? Heh-heh...I lied. Just warning ya.  
  
Cell: Review! 


	15. Lord of the Braveheart Parodies

You Know This Is A Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Hello! After many a period of brewing for my next..."plan of action" I have returned! Huzzah!  
  
Cell: Excellent, I have a job now.  
  
DD: I can pay rent! *Pays land-lady*  
  
...See how charitable and virtuous I am?  
  
Cell: No I sure don't.  
  
Oh before we get to the good stuff, I forgot to thank AoiHyou for pointing out the "Youkai-Youki" thing. I forgot twice to thank her...them. And thanks to all my reviewers...or the ones I haven't frightened off. But sadly, Kurama and Hiei are unable to give out hugs because they are currently "fighting" which we'll get to in just a moment. First I want to explain something: remember what I said about me not doing anymore trilogies? Well, I lied...I think. Who knows how far this will go but it's three parts minimum I suppose. Oh, and here's the part where it becomes a cross over!  
  
Cell: A Dragonball Z/Yu-Yu Hakusho crossover!  
  
So if you haven't seen that or you don't like it either a) go look it up or b) skedaddle children.  
  
DD: Has anyone noticed we up-ed our rating? It's now officially R! Hahahahaha!   
  
One more thing: If you are like me and know little or nothing about "Braveheart" don't worry about being in the dark or anything...you just won't know we're parodying it! We do not own Braveheart, DBZ, YYH or anything else unless noted so if you sue, all yer getting is my muses and my book "The Green Mile" by Stephen King and a pair of stolen sneakers.   
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Lord of the Braveheart Parodies  
  
(1 day after the "house incident")  
  
Hiei: *Hiding in El Nino's room* Do you think he's still mad?  
  
El Nino: *Hears crash in the kitchen followed by un-earthly roar* Yes.  
  
Hiei: We can't keep hiding like this! Sooner or later he'll come in here and kill us both!  
  
El Nino: He should be grateful! We rebuilt his house back from scratch! Hell, it's actually BIGGER now!  
  
Hiei: Keep your voice down! *Footsteps behind door* Aw SHIT!  
  
Kurama: *Non-Human voice* HIEI, ARE YOU IN THERE?!  
  
Hiei & El Nino: *Restrain from having heart-attacks at the sound of his voice*  
  
Hiei: I'm actually scared.  
  
Kurama: *Moves else where*  
  
El Nino: Thank Zeus he's gone!   
  
Hiei: I can't take it any more!   
  
El Nino: What do you suggest we do, pull another Braveheart stunt?! He'd find a bigger and better army of demons and crush us THEN shove our balls down our throats!   
  
Hiei: But we'll have the element of surprise! Plus, I already have a plan.   
  
El Nino: Care to let me in?  
  
Hiei: If we survive tonight, I'll explain it to you in the morning. The demon has to sleep sometime.   
  
El Nino: Whatever you say. Yer the boss.  
  
  
  
(6:00 in the A of M)   
  
Hiei: *Trembling* A-are you okay?  
  
El Nino: My right arm is tingling...  
  
Hiei: Don't you dare die on me!  
  
El Nino: I'm immortal you idiot![1]  
  
Hiei: Really? You could be useful...he came TOO close to finding us!  
  
El Nino: It's times like these I'm glad he's a moron.  
  
Hiei: While I take great offense to that, I am forced to agree.  
  
El Nino: Indeed. So what's this great plan oh fearless leader?  
  
Hiei: Simple. We crawl out that door, go to the living room and if we're both still alive, I'll place o few phone calls and we'll go outside and wait. And pray.  
  
El Nino: Are you in-SANE?! Dude, phone calls is what got us here in the first place!  
  
Hiei: Actually YOU got us here. I'm going to get us out. Now keep your voice down and wait for my signal.  
  
Kurama: *Outside door. Still using that non-human voice* I KNOW YOUR IN THIS HOUSE!! I WILL FIND...man I'm sleepy...bah, I'll resume this later. YOR OFF THE HOOK FOR NOW BUT WHEN I FIND YOU YOU'LL BE EATING YOU MANHOODS FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER! ARRRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHH! *Goes to his room and slams door*  
  
El Nino: By the gods...  
  
Hiei: Okay, follow me. *Gets up and goes to door. Goes out door*  
  
El Nino: ...*Follows*   
  
Hiei: *In living room* Now you wait here while I make a few phone calls. Should the demon appear run. Then run faster. Then if at all possible break the sound barrier.  
  
El Nino: Can do Capitan! *Salutes*  
  
Hiei: *Shakes head and picks up cordless*  
  
El Nino: Who are you calling, exactly?  
  
Hiei: You'll see. *Dials number* ......Ohayo Goku-san.......yes I know it's 6 in the morning but I and my aficionado are in a bit of a bind......well.....would you? You will? ......Okay......thanks a lot...good bye. *Hangs up*  
  
El Nino: You know GOKU?! THE Son Goku?!  
  
Hiei: Doesn't everybody?  
  
El Nino: ....  
  
Hiei: *Dials another number* ......What's up Trunks?  
  
(30 minutes and 6 phone calls later)  
  
Hiei: ....Thanks Goten...uh-huh......right...gotcha.....Dude, I need to hurry or else I may be killed....okay, thanks....ja ne. *Hangs up*  
  
El Nino: I can't believe you know them! *Looks up stairs. Sees flash of red* *Whispers loudly* Shit, it's him! The beast has awakened! We're screwed!  
  
Hiei: Keep calm, he can smell fear!  
  
El Nino: When are they gonna be here?!  
  
Hiei: Er, like an hour or so.  
  
El Nino: Do we have that long?!  
  
Kurama: *From upstairs* HIEI, IS THAT YOU?!  
  
Hiei: No. *Walks really fast outside*  
  
El Nino: *Follows him*  
  
  
  
(Outside. Hiei and Nino have walked half a mile away from the house. Is now 6:50 AM)  
  
Hiei: *Stops at lamp post* Now we wait.   
  
El Nino: Do you think Kurama realizes we're gone?! *Hears the sound of crashing cars and non-human roars* I'll take that as a yes.  
  
Hiei: He's here! RUN! *Nearly breaks sound barrier*   
  
El Nino: *Runs at the speed of light*  
  
Kurama: *2 miles behind them* YOU'LL NEVER ESCAPE MEEEE!  
  
Hiei: *Bumps into someone* YOU MO—Hallelujah!   
  
Goku: Er, who's that guy behind you?  
  
El Nino: I am El Nino, the beast gaining on us is Kurama.  
  
Goku: Riiiight.   
  
Hiei: Run!   
  
Goku: Okiedokie. *Run behind Nino and Hiei*  
  
  
  
(2 hours later)  
  
Hiei: *Stops at the foot of a mountain* I *pant* think *pant, pant* we lost *huff, pant* him.  
  
Goku: *Looks behind him* Where the hell are we for starters?  
  
El Nino: *Looks up* Cool, it's Mt. Fuji!  
  
Hiei: Mt....damn how far DID we run?!  
  
Goku: Faaaaaaaaar. While we wait, who is this El Nino guy?  
  
Hiei: Ever hear of the weather condition El Nino?  
  
Goku: ...THAT'S El Nino?! THE El Nino?!  
  
El Nino: You may call me Nino, El, Eru-chan, El Nino, or just Master.  
  
Goku: ...But you look like a cross between Tommy Lee and Kid Rock[2]!  
  
El Nino: ...I know.   
  
Vegeta: *Drops out of sky*  
  
Hiei: What took you so long?  
  
Vegeta: Well you were running like the fires of hell were upon you by the time I did arrive so I had to follow you and that red-headed...thing that was chasing you. What was that anyway?  
  
Hiei: It was a human...sort of.  
  
Vegeta: *Points* Who's this guy?  
  
El Nino: I am the evil tropical force known as El Nino. And yes, I'm THAT El Nino and I am quite aware of what I look like.  
  
Vegeta: El Nino? Never heard of it.  
  
El Nino: WHAAAT?!  
  
Trunks: *Floats down* Hello! Hi tousan.  
  
Vegeta: Hn.  
  
Hiei: Where's Gohan and Goten?  
  
Trunks: They'll be around in a bit. Who's—  
  
Goku: That *points* is El Nino as in THAT El Nino. And he's quite aware of what he looks like.  
  
Trunks: You mean the weather force El Nino? The one that causes screwed weather?  
  
El Nino: Yep!  
  
Hiei: *Taps foot impatiently* It's only a matter of time before IT finds us and rips us all to shreds!  
  
Vegeta: Speaking of such, why are we out here?  
  
Hiei: Well it's like this...  
  
(Recaps last chapter)  
  
Hiei: ...And after his tore our clothes away, we ran up to Nino's room and hid for almost 2 days.  
  
Everyone minus El Nino: ....  
  
Trunks: Wow. That's horrible.  
  
Hiei: Tell me about it. *Hears un-godly scream from far away* Oh shit.  
  
Vegeta: Why not just blast it?  
  
Hiei: 1) I would kill him and 2) If by some horrible twist of fate I missed or some such shizznat we'd all be dead.  
  
Goku: He has a point.   
  
Gohan, Goten, and Piccolo: *Drops out of sky*  
  
Gohan: Hi there!  
  
Hiei: Gee, took you long enough. Ooh you brought Piccolo.  
  
Piccolo: *Mutters* More like kidnapped me here.  
  
Hiei: We must hurry! Leave no tracks! *Runs over mountain*  
  
El Nino: ....May he never cease to amaze me.  
  
Vegeta: Bah, amateur. *Everyone else flies over mountain*  
  
El Nino: ....I know some cool sons of bitches y'know. *Runs over mountain*   
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
[1] It would only make sense El Nino's immortal for after the human race dies out and insects and Cher rule the earth, it may not be called El Nino but believe me, he shall be there...some where in the shadows or sumthin like dat.   
  
[2] Imagine Tommy Lee without all the tattoos and piercings with Kid Rock's hair, in a rainbow colored shirt with khakis, and a slight Mexican accent (El Nino is Spanish after all) and no shoes. For those of you who don't know Tommy Lee or Kid Rock, just imagine a tall blond guy who looks kinda like a hippie in a tye-dye shirt, khakis and no shoes.  
  
And as for how Hiei knows the Z senshi...well non-human fighters have to stick together y'know.  
  
Cell: Next: LOTBH II: Who Rules The Braveheart Parody?  
  
DD: Oh boy is THAT gonna be stupid. Prepare and reserve a spot for rehab.  
  
Oh and thanks to Angelfish Smile *winks*  
  
DD: .  
  
...Whaaat?  
  
Cell: Review minna 


	16. LOTBHP pt2

You Know This is a Bad Idea Right  
  
  
Heh-heh...FFN is down. Or at least while I'm writing it is.  
  
DD: I wonder what happened?  
  
Bah, who the hell knows? I just need to wriiiiiiiite...and find an excuse to put off my homework.  
  
Cell: Ah-ha.   
  
But anyhow, there is work to be done, movies to be slaughtered, people to be killed—er I mean shoes to steal and such shit.  
  
Cell: Oh and here's the part where we butcher Lord of the Rings. Hey, we had to do it sometime.  
  
Hmmmm...anything else boy(s)?  
  
Cell: ..Nope-ah.   
  
DD: My birthday's in August!  
  
.....Important to the fic?  
  
DD: Oh, no then.  
  
Begin transmission  
______________________________________________________________  
LOTBHP: Who Rules the Braveheart Parody?  
  
(The Insertonamo Valley behind Mt. Fuji)  
  
Vegeta: Breathe in that mountain air! *Breathes in mountain air* *Choke* How *Gag* Refreshing *Cough*  
  
Hiei: *Nods slowly. Starts walking*  
  
Everyone else: *Follows*  
  
Piccolo: ...I wish someone would tell me what the purpose of this little trek is.   
  
El Nino: Operation 006: Code Run like hell. Get the hell as far away from Kurama as mortally possible.  
  
Hiei: There's actually more meaning to it.   
  
Goku: That operation thing sounded pretty clever though. What is this all-important meaning?  
  
Hiei: There be demons afoot! I plan to recruit them and then—  
  
El Nino: Wearing red Scottish kilts and carrying 7 foot swords we will charge and crush the demon kitsune's forces! *Hears animal-like roar in the background* Eek! *Hides behind Goku*  
  
Trunks: ...Is he serious?  
  
Hiei: Only the part about the red kilts and swords and....wait he is right. *Hears rumbling in the distance* El Nino, what did I tell you about the weather disturbances?! Do you WANT him to find us?  
  
Vegeta: *Stops and looks back* They already have.  
  
Hiei: *Looks back* Oh shit.   
  
Youko Kurama: *In a kilt waving a sword being backed up by a mass of demons* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA—*Takes a deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! *Cue LOTR music*  
  
Goku: OO!! What in hells name?! *Turns around and Hiei and El Nino are in kilts with giant swords* Dear Kami-sama...  
  
Hiei: MEN! WE MUST CHARGE THE ENEMY!  
  
Vegeta: ...Yeah, uh-huh. Well this has been an odd morning.  
  
Piccolo: Shouldn't we, like, retreat maybe?  
  
Hiei: That works too. Good job Piccolo-san. *Runs*  
  
El Nino: *Runs*  
  
Everyone else: *Shrug then run*  
  
Y. Kurama: THERE! THERE! CHAAAARGE! *Insane laughter*  
  
Hiei: *Stops before he falls off a cliff* WAH!  
  
Goku: *Stops behind him* Whew, glad I—GAH!  
  
Vegeta: *Runs into them and knocks them all over the cliff* WILL YOU WARN ME NEXT TIME YOU STOP LIKE THAT!?! *Stops in mid air*  
  
Goku: *Stops* Wait a sec, Hiei can't fly!  
  
El Nino: *Shoots pass them* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!  
  
Vegeta: Can he?  
  
Goku: Er, he's a weather condition why shouldn't he?  
  
El Nino: *Floats back up on thunder cloud* Where's Hiei?  
  
Vegeta: You mean you didn't stop him?!  
  
El Nino: ...Was I supposed to?  
  
Goku: ....*Goes to save Hiei*  
  
Vegeta: The good thing is you make him look smart.  
  
El Nino: Is that a bad thing?  
  
Vegeta: *Nods*  
  
Goku: *Floats back up with Hiei* Heh-heh...he had already hit the bottom.  
  
Trunks: *From top of cliff* THE ENEMY HAS ARRIVED!  
  
Vegeta: Oh goodie.   
  
Hiei: *Through a smashed face* Denwemufigtldend! *Translation: Why the hell are you telling me this and not fighting?!*  
  
Trunks: WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR—  
  
Y. Kurama: HAHA!  
  
Trunks: *Jumps*  
  
Gohan: *Follows*  
  
Goten: *Jumps over to other side and keeps going* AAAAAAAAHHHHH!  
  
El Nino: That IDIOT.  
  
Hiei: *Recovers* New strategy: Save the baka.   
  
  
(A while later. Arial view. Cue LOTR music again)   
  
Goten: *Comes close to breaking sound barrier* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Y. Kurama: Is that a girl or a boy? Ah well, catch him and make him tell us where the others are!  
  
Hiei & Co: *Less than a yard behind them* RUN GOTEN! RUN FER YER LIIFE!  
  
Goku: Can't we just fly?!  
  
Hiei: Why?  
  
Vegeta: Why do I have to do this? I don't even LIKE that damn brat!  
  
Trunks: He's my best friend!  
  
El Nino: Oh Trunks, stop the façade. We all know he's more than a friend!  
  
Trunks: ...I'm going to kill you.  
  
Hiei: Run damnit! *Trips over stick and keeps sliding*   
  
Goku: *Slows his pace* Man that's gotta hurt.  
  
Y. Kurama: I smell burning flesh behind me...  
  
Goten: *Rounds corner, runs left, fakes right, and turns another corner*  
  
Y. Kurama: *Bangs into a tree*   
  
Goku: *Stops and puts his foot on Hiei* Okay, where did he go?  
  
Hiei: *Stands up and has a giant skid-mark on his face* I couldn't see anything.  
  
Vegeta: Wait I think he went that way...no wait...  
  
Trunks: Let's split up and look for him!  
  
El Nino: I don't remember this being called into Scooby Doo.  
  
Trunks: ...Well I thought it'd be a good idea...  
  
El Nino: You would.   
  
Piccolo: His ki is so high from fear he's forgotten he could just turn around and attack.  
  
Goku: His ki! Ah-ha! He's gone left! *Runs that way*   
  
Hiei: My neck...*Follows*  
  
Vegeta: My back...*Follows*   
  
Gohan: My—  
  
Piccolo: Just run damnit! *He, Gohan, and Trunks take off*  
  
Goten: *Has finally stopped* Whew, lost 'em! What was I running from?  
  
Y. Kurama: *Recovers. Sniffs air* ...They've been here...and I plan to find them!  
  
Demons: YAY!  
  
Y. Kurama: CHAAAAARGE! *Jumps on the back of a large demon and they charge right*  
  
Goten: *Hears rumbling* Aw no, not again! *Prepares to run*  
  
El Nino: Yo Running Deer! Slow up why don't ya!  
  
Goten: Hm?   
  
Goku: *Stops running* See, I told you!  
  
Y. Kurama: AH-HA! THERE YOU ARE! *Sees Hiei and El Nino who are still in their kilts* Hey, only I can parody Braveheart! Just who do you think you are?!  
  
Hiei: I am the true Lord of the Braveheart parody!  
  
Y. Kurama: There's only one Lord of the Braveheart parody...and he does not share power![1]  
  
Hiei: CHARGE!  
  
Vegeta: Oh my Kami...*Everyone else charges*  
  
Y. Kurama: MUH HAHAHA! CHARGE! TAKE NO PRISONERS!  
  
  
  
(3 hours later)  
  
Hiei: *Standing on the blood and water soaked battle field* I RULE THE BRAVEHEART PARODY!  
  
Y. Kurama: You can take my power but you will never take my freedom![2]  
  
SSJ3 Goku: *Almost all of his clothes are ripped up* Why the HELL did I agree to this!?  
  
Vegeta: *Fading between going SSJ and getting bitch-smacked* Ah—*slap* he—*smack* dam—*smack*   
  
Gohan: *Being dragged by his ankles* I LIKED THIS SUIT! ARRRRAAA! *Goes Mystic* DIIIE! *Wipes out 28 demons*   
  
Piccolo: *Is nearly limbless* I can't re-grow my arm! *Re grows body parts* Never mind!  
  
Goten: KAME—aw screw it. *Unleashes beam and walks away*  
  
Trunks: *Head-butts someone* WHOO H—*Get's pimp-slapped* ow.  
  
Hiei: This is getting no where. El Nino it's time for a tsunami wave.  
  
El Nino: Okiedokie. In the name of Poseidon I call upon the ocean! HEE HAHAHAHA! *Waves build up in the distance*   
  
Gohan: *Is hit by broad side of a sword* What was that noise?  
  
Goku: Oh no, not another hurricane!  
  
Vegeta: *Sees 90 foot wave* THAT'S NO HURRICANE!   
  
Piccolo: *Eyes get wobbly and mouth waters* Water...  
Gohan: (). Piccolo?   
  
Hiei: *Sees wave* AW SHIT! I didn't want it to be that big!  
  
El Nino: Well it's too late now!  
  
Trunks: INCOMING!  
  
Y. Kurama: Aw hell.  
  
(Wave crashes down and basically annihilates anything in its path including Mt. Fuji)  
  
  
  
(1 hour later in the Pacific Ocean)  
  
Hiei: *Surfaces* AAAAAHH! EL NINO!  
  
El Nino: *Surfaces* Yes boss?  
  
Hiei: I'm going to kill you!  
  
Goku: *Surfaces* What a sweet wave!  
  
Hiei: _...  
  
Goku: Whaaat?  
  
Vegeta: *Surfaces*   
  
Trunks, Gohan, & Piccolo: *Surface*  
  
Goku: One, two...where's Goten?  
  
Gohan: Wasn't he with you?!  
  
Goku: ...No.  
  
Hiei: I think they KIDNAPPED HIM!  
  
El Nino: Excellent, now we must go save Run Like Mad, how excellent.   
  
Goku: Ack! That silver haired freak kidnapped my son! *Starts swimming*  
  
Everyone else: *Follows*  
  
El Nino: *Floats around* ...Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. *Follows them*  
  
______________________________________________________________  
  
[1] I twisted a line from the LOTR movie. Its actually: "There's only one Lord of the ring...and he does not share power!" if I remember correctly. Said by Gandalf.  
  
[2] Twisted a line from somewhere.  
  
Well that's all fer this one! Hoped you enjoyed.  
  
DD: Next: Operation 665: Code SAVBAKA  
  
Cell: Review if you must. G'night America 


	17. ATTENTION ATTENTION! LEND ME YOUR EARS!

Hello!  
  
Cell: ...Hi.  
  
DD: What's up?  
  
Heh-heh...yer expecting another chapter aren't'cha? Well HAH!   
  
DD: -_-() Well anyway...we WE'RE gonna write a chap fer this bu-ut...  
  
Cell: We're bone dry on ideas on how in hell to finish the trilogy.  
  
Yep.  
  
DD: Er so that's why we're takin a bit of a "hiatus" as in this won't be updated until further notice. Huh, didn't see that comin did ya?  
  
So fer those of you waiting for your fix, well...it's not here. And it probably won't be fer like.....a month. Meanwhile, I'm gonna do other stuff so read that too non? Oh and no one seems to like my Hiei...*cries* Aw c'mon! So what if he's OOC! He's funny as hell and still manages to be...well...bah he IS OOC huh? Well when I come back I'll make him more IC...if at all possible. Well that's it.  
  
DD: Yes it is. We're sorry...! But rest assured we shall return.   
  
Cell: Peace—  
  
Love—  
  
DD: And KxH! 


	18. LOTBHP pt3

You Know This Is a Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
HAAH! I have returned baby! YES! MA HAHAHA!  
  
Cell: HAHAHAHA!  
  
DD: MUA HAHAHA *Choke* HAHAHA!  
  
Cell: HAHAHA...Hahaha...okay, that's enough.  
  
Ha...heh-heh...he's right.  
  
DD: *Choke* Haha....yeah.  
  
Well anyway, after doing some research and seeking inspiration from movies and books and songs I have returned with the last of the trilogy! I have GOT to stop doing these...  
  
Cell: Oh and the title from this one is different from the one we said it was going to be because we thought that one sucked. Also, we're making an effort to keep the characters IC just this ONCE cuz we all know the humor is in the OOC.  
  
Yep, but we'll try from now on to keep them so-so IC.  
  
Cell: Okay, just so you know what we're ripping off from, here's what we DON'T own:  
The movie "What Price Glory"  
Lord of the Rings  
Braveheart  
The Manchurian Candidate   
YYH  
DBZ  
The Godfather  
And if I missed something why don't you go over and read the Disclaimer Song versions 1, 2 and 3 if you REALLY wanna drive the point home.  
  
Well, that's about it except fer one t'ing: WARNING!!!: HIGH ASS Chuckle Factor or at least I think so.  
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Return of the Idiocy   
  
(Scene: Riverbank. Hiei is standing in front of a huge Japanese flag with a green American beret on his head in his Braveheart garb with a 7 foot sword. The Fellowship of the Ring minus Sam, Merry and Pippin is sitting beside the Z-senshi)  
  
Hiei: *Eyes twitches* As you know, we have been at war with Youko Kurama for about....the better part of 2 ½ days and we've been getting crushed at every turn!  
  
El Nino: HE SPEAKS THE TRUTH!  
  
Hiei: And frankly I'm SICK of it! It's time we get our act together and blow that idiot away with our forces!  
  
Goku: But how?! He has a giant mass of hella-strong demons—  
  
Legolas: And we are only a handful of mismatched beings! How do we hope to stand against that and remain unharmed?!  
  
Hiei: Simple. *Whistles*   
  
Huge pack of orcs: *Come rolling towards them* AYE!  
  
Aragorn: O_O  
  
Hiei: Now wait, before you marvel at my brilliance here's the plan...  
  
  
  
(At Y. Kurama's lair)  
  
Y. Kurama: *On a throne of skeletons. Italian accent* Now listen kid. I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse.  
  
Goten: ...Oookaay and may I ask what that—  
  
Y. Kurama: Silence! Now, your gonna tell me where the others are or your brains are going on the wall.  
  
Goten: I don't know damn you! Don't make me say it again!  
  
Y. Kurama: What are you gonna do about it!?  
  
Goten: I'm gonna whoop you worse than yo mama ever did! *Powers up* YOU SICK FREAK YOU!  
  
Y. Kurama: Oh yeah, I fergot he was half-saiya-jin! Shit.   
  
  
  
(Large field. It's around midnight. Every one's running like mad)  
  
Hiei: Now remember the plan!  
  
Aragorn: It's very simple, hard to forget!  
  
Goku: Why, oh WHY did I agree to this?!  
  
El Nino: And to think this all started when I decided I wanted to destroy his house. Ohhhh the pain I got in to!  
  
Vegeta: Stop your carping damnit! The more you talk the less air you have to run—  
  
Legolas: And I don't think any of us want to drag your bodies to this demon's lair!  
  
Frodo: *Being tempted to put on the ring*  
  
El Nino: Damnit, gimme that! *Snatches ring*  
  
Frodo: Hey!  
  
Gimli: I've had...enough of all this running! Can't we stop?!  
  
Hiei: We're almost *smacks into side of huge castle* there.  
  
Frodo: *Stares* Wow.  
  
Piccolo: Well me and Nino will stay out side while you guys storm the place.  
  
Hiei: Right. Everyone, its kilt time.   
  
Everyone else: *Take off their clothes to reveal matching kilts and 7 foot swords* RIGHT!  
  
Piccolo: *Whispers to El Nino* You can thank me later.  
  
El Nino: O.O *Nods*  
  
  
  
(Inside the lair)  
  
Y. Kurama: *Mopping the floor with Goten's head* Very good grass hopper but you are no match for Lord Kurama!  
  
Goten: My dad and brother are gonna beat your ASS into the ground!  
  
Y. Kurama: What makes you think THAT?!  
  
Hiei: *Knocks on door then kicks it down* Luuuuuucy I'm hoo-ooome!  
  
Y. Kurama: O_o?? How the hell did YOU get here?!   
  
Trunks: We followed the yellow brick road!   
  
Vegeta: *Slaps his head* I don't know what's gayer, him or me in this skirt.  
  
Goku: And now we're gonna kick your ass DOWN the yellow brick road and in to hell and take back my son!  
  
Y. Kurama: *Takes out sword* If you want him, come and claim him!  
  
Goku: He already has my blood in him! I DO claim him!  
  
Y. Kurama: ...*Cut his arm and spills his blood in Goten's mouth* Now he has my blood in him too!  
  
Aragorn: ...That's just SICK!  
  
Gohan: I am SO going to kill you! *Charges*  
  
Y. Kurama: *Calls demons*  
  
Hiei: *Calls orcs. Battle ensues*  
  
  
  
(Outside the castle 1 hour later)  
  
El Nino: Think we should go up there? I mean, it sounds pretty intense...  
  
Piccolo: No way, I'm not getting in the way of a bunch of kilt-wearing lunatics with swords! Let the demons take care of that!  
  
El Nino: You know, I have completely forgotten what we're fighting for!  
  
Piccolo: *Snorts* Hiei started this now let him finish it. We just won't bother to ask.  
  
El Nino: *Nods* You are quite right—*Legolas comes flying out of a 2nd story window* GAH!  
  
Legolas: *Smacks ground hard* Thank the powers that be for immortality...! Ugh...  
  
Piccolo: OO Are you okay—*Goku flies head first of out same window* Oh boy.  
  
Goku: *Lands on top of Legolas* Thanks for breaking my fall.  
  
Legolas: *In massive pain* No...problem...  
  
Piccolo: Goku, what's going on up there?!  
  
Goku: We're getting beat down and shot up...!  
  
Legolas: That demon....is a better...archer....that I am....!  
  
El Nino: No! Well that's excellent.  
  
Goku: Hiei says wait for his signal then create a giant wave...!  
  
El Nino: Again? Isn't he tired of the water works?  
  
Legolas: Just cause an enormous weather disturbance...!  
  
El Nino: Okay but what's the signal—*Hiei comes flying out of a 4th story window* Catch him!  
  
Piccolo: I got 'im! *Hiei lands on top of him* ...told you...  
  
Hiei: Now...!  
  
Piccolo: ...You...heard the man...!  
  
El Nino: Okay! *Chants* I call upon the God of the sea Neptune and your Grecian brother! I, your humble servant command you! send me all your power!  
  
Hiei: *Rumbling is heard in the distance* Woo-woo go Poseidon!  
  
  
  
(Inside castle)  
  
Y. Kurama: *Punches Vegeta* What's that rumbling?  
  
Trunks: *Embedded in the wall* I think it's....water?!  
  
Aragorn: That must be...could it be El Nino?!  
  
  
  
(Outside everything is dying)  
  
El Nino: *Still chanting. Voice starts echoing loudly* Demeter, hear my cry! Unleash your unending sorrow for your lost daughter! Destroy this land!  
  
Goku: Kami it's actually working! This place is usually so fertile and now it's DEAD! *Vegeta flies of a window*  
  
Vegeta: What's going on?!  
  
El Nino: I call upon the God Zeus! Send down your mighty thunder and strike this land! *Lightning hits the castle and destroys it*  
  
Legolas: Ah...Gimli, Aragorn, Frodo!   
  
El Nino: Oh they're fine. I call upon the lord of the underworld Hades and your Grecian brother! Kill this land!  
  
Goku: Is that such a good idea...? *Dead spirits fly around killing everything in sight*  
  
Piccolo: Uh Nino?  
  
El Nino: Poseidon! Drown this land! Neptune! Bury this land! Demeter! Starve this land! Hades! Kill this land! Pluto! Waste this land! *Fires start, rain pours, heavy snow, hurricane starts, plants and flowers die*  
  
Piccolo: ...This isn't good.  
  
Gimli: *Rises from the rubble and sees the country side* My God! What has happened?!  
  
El Nino: Legolas said cause a massive weather disturbance and I am! HURRICANES! COME TO ME! *Hurricane Andrew wastes the land* AH HAHAHAHA!  
  
Legolas: 8Gets up* Well I didn't know you were going to DESTROY the planet—YAH! *Get's swept away*  
  
Everyone else: *Rise up from ground/rubble*   
  
Goku: El Nino! Stop this!  
  
El Nino: I can't, you have to let it take it's course!  
  
Vegeta: This is insane!  
  
El Nino: *Lightning cracks in the background* TSUNAMI! COME TO ME! *Waves crash and rise from the ocean*  
  
Normal Kurama: I GIVE! I GIVE!!  
  
El Nino: Hey, that means we won!  
  
Aragorn: But at what price!?  
  
El Nino: A little water, a little rain, the occasional earth quake.  
  
Piccolo: You call this a LITTLE!? *Ground cracks underneath him* DAMN YOU! *Falls in to ground*   
  
Gohan: Piccolo! *F5 tornado starts up* Oh my LORD!  
  
  
  
(In the Spirit World)  
  
Koenma: What in the world is up with that weather?! I didn't see any tornados in the forecast!!  
  
  
  
(On Earth)  
  
Hiei: EL NINO YOU FREAKING MORON!!  
  
El Nino: You asked for a massive weather disturbance and you got one!  
  
Aragorn: *Gets hit with debris* This is TOO massive!!  
  
Frodo: How long is it going to take for it pass?!  
  
El Nino: Er, half a year or so!  
  
Trunks: ARRRG! ALL THIS TO SAVE GOTEN!!  
  
Goten: Well I was just fine until you came!  
  
Trunks: ...I LOVE YOU MAN!  
  
Goten: *Socks him*  
  
Goku: We've got to get out of here! If we stay in the eye any longer we'll all be killed!  
  
Kurama: How far does this thing reach?!  
  
El Nino: Every where of course!  
  
Kurama: SHIT! THIS IS WORSE THAN NEW YEARS!  
  
Hiei: I must agree! *F5 tornado reaches them* SHIT I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! *tornado sweeps them all away*  
  
  
  
(Three hours later in Florida. Famine to the north and tornado to the south)  
  
  
  
Goku: *Wakes up* Oh Kami was it all a dream?  
  
Aragorn: Nooo...  
  
Goku: Damnit...  
  
Hiei: Oh my head!   
  
El Nino: This is awesome...!   
  
Legolas: *F2 tornado drops him* Welcome to Florida home of the Orange Tree...  
  
Gimli: *Rolls to a stop beside Frodo* ...  
  
Hiei: El Nino when this is over I WILL kill you.  
  
El Nino: Okay but please make it quick.  
  
Frodo: Hey, where's the ring?  
  
El Nino: I think I lost it somewhere back in Russia...  
  
Fellowship: You WHAAAAAAAT?!  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
And there you have it, the end of the trilogy  
  
Hiei-tachi-2  
  
Y. Kurama-1  
  
Cell: Next: Amnesia   
  
Hope you liked this! It took 4 days to think of!  
  
DD: Review! 


	19. Amnesia

You Know This Is A Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Ahh......haven't updated in a while have I?  
  
DD: Been too busy.  
  
Cell: Quick plugs: Fanfic: BWL Club, Willing Slave   
Author(ess): YaoiPimp   
Angelfish Smile  
Android 71  
  
And that's our quick plug moment!  
  
DD: Because we are so charitable and virtuous!  
  
Cell: *Mumbles* And retarded.   
  
*Thwacks him* AND THANKS TO ALL WHO REVIEWED!!!!  
  
Cell: *Claps*   
  
DD: We love you man!   
  
Trunks: *Nods* Wait, that's my line!  
  
DD: *Smacks him* Shush up child.   
  
WE LOVE REVIEWS! GO CHECK OUT THE PLUGS! READ THE FIC!  
  
DD: Calm down! Just start!  
  
Bah okay, okay.  
_______________________________________________________________  
Amnesia  
  
(Kurama's house January 21. The Russian military has taken over China, Japan, Europe and Australia. There's a tornado to the south and snow and lighting to the east. El Nino and Hiei are playing catch with Hurricane Andrew[1])  
  
Hiei: *Hits ball* Damn tornados. They're becoming more frequent.  
  
Andrew: *Hits ball* We've had 12 today! I wanna cause more hurricanes!  
  
El Nino: *Hits ball* Shut up, you've had your fun. By the way, I made this all possible.  
  
Hiei: *Hits ball* Yeah, you made this AAAAAALL possible. And thanks to you the Soviet Union has been reborn and is now declaring world domination.  
  
Andrew: *Hits ball* *Sarcasm* Thank you Nino.  
  
El Nino: *Catches ball* -_-;; Shut up. *F4 tornado rips up the street*   
  
Hiei: Great, ANOTHER tornado. Damn you Nino!   
  
El Nino: Shut UP! *Throws, no LAUNCHES BALL LIKE A MISSLE at Hiei's head*  
  
Hiei: *Gets whacked and is sent a few miles back*  
  
Andrew: Hiei! Nino, you idiot! You may be the God of weather but I date your sister!  
  
El Nino: So?! I rule the fooked up weather! I will de-spell, re-spell this planet and—  
  
Andrew: Stuff it Nino. I think Hiei's hurt. *Goes over to him* Hiei? Can ya hear me buddy?  
  
Hiei: *Groans* Ohh where am I?  
  
El Nino: *Leans over him* Yer with us! Sorry I hit ya.  
  
Hiei: *Blinks* Who...are you two? Why are you leaning over me like that?!  
  
Andrew: C'mon, whaddya mean? You know us!  
  
Hiei: ...I do?  
  
El Nino: You mean...you don't know who I AM?!  
  
Hiei: No...should I? Are you my friend?  
  
El Nino: *Pulls Andrew over* Oh my ZEUS!  
  
Andrew: What's wrong with him?  
  
El Nino: He has AMNESIAAAAAAAA! Kurama is gonna KILL me!  
  
Andrew: Amnesia?! *Punches El Nino* Great goin bone-head!!!!  
  
El Nino: I didn't know he'd get damned amnesia!!   
  
Hiei: *Whimpers*   
  
El Nino: *Goes over and picks Hiei up* Don't worry little guy! I'll restore yer memory!   
  
Hiei: Uh okay.  
  
Andrew: Wait a second! If Kurama-san finds out we're DEAD!  
  
El Nino: ...We're IMMORTAL! We don't die!  
  
Andrew: Well we'll be in a world of hurt then.  
  
El Nino: Good point. To the basement! *Goes down into basement*  
  
Andrew: Hah and they think those things can save them from my wrath! Hmm...*looks around. Cackles* *Begins chanting* By the power of Poseidon and Zeus I beckon thee—  
  
El Nino: *From basement* ANDREW!  
  
Andrew: *Stops and snaps fingers* Damn it all. *Goes into basement*  
  
  
  
(Top level of house)  
  
Kurama: *Watching the news* So...the Russians have finally taken over North America. I knew it! Well damn, there goes the neighborhood...or should I say the planet?  
  
  
  
(Basement)  
  
Andrew: So...what do we do now?  
  
Hiei: *Sitting on a stool. Blinks*  
  
El Nino: He's kinda cute this way. He's not acting all obnoxious and stuff—  
  
Andrew: I wonder if we could get Minerva down here.  
  
El Nino: Minerva? Why?  
  
Hiei: Who's Minerva?  
  
El Nino: She's the Goddess of Wisdom!  
  
Hiei: Oh.  
  
Andrew: Call her. I think she may restore his memory!  
  
El Nino: Okay. MINER-VAAAAAA!!!  
  
Andrew: *Closes ears* AHH MY EARS!  
  
Minerva: *Drops out of sky* Who summons me?  
  
El Nino: Uh h-hello there Nerva-chan...  
  
Minerva: Oh, it's you. What do you want?  
  
Andrew: Our friend over here lost his memory. Can you help him?  
  
Minerva: Maybe. Let me see. *Places her hands on Hiei's head*  
  
Hiei: What's she doing?  
  
El Nino: Just stay calm buddy! *Sobs* MY BUDDY DOESN'T REMEMBER ME!  
  
Kurama: *From upstairs* Nino, is that you?   
  
El Nino: Uh, um, Kurama! Don't come down here!  
  
Kurama: Why?  
  
El Nino: Because uh—  
  
Andrew: We're having a threesome!  
  
Kurama: ......................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! NO ONE TOUCHES MY HIEI!  
  
Andrew: I'M JOKING!  
  
Kurama: ARRG! *Kicks door down*  
  
El Nino: Aw shit. Minerva! Hurry!  
  
Minerva: I'm trying! *Blue glow surrounds her and Hiei*  
  
Kurama: AH-HA! GET YOUR FILTHY...IMMORTAL HANDS OFF HIM!  
  
Minerva: *Blue glow disappears* Ugh, I could only restore most of his memory.  
  
Kurama: Memo—*Gets tackled by Andrew*  
  
El Nino: How much?! *Andrew and Kurama cat-fight in the background*  
  
Minerva: Oh, how to read, write, how to use his Jagen and things like that.  
  
El Nino: Damn. Well thanks anyway.   
  
Minerva: *Bows and disappears*  
  
El Nino: *Turns to Andrew & Kurama* FIGHT! FIGHT ANDY!  
  
Andrew: *Scratches Kurama's face* DAMNIT! *Gets slashed back* OUCH!  
  
El Nino: *Breaks them up* Kurama, let me explain—  
  
Kurama: AHHH!   
  
El Nino: HIEI HAS AMNESIA!  
  
Kurama: *Stops struggling* He WHAT?!  
  
Hiei: I wha? Where the hell am I anyway?! And who are you three?!  
  
Kurama: You mean you don't remember me?!  
  
Hiei: *Squints* You look familiar...  
  
Kurama: ...*Eyes get wobbly. Glomps him and sobs* NAAAAAAHH! MY DARLING HIEI DOESN'T REMEMBER MEEEEEE! *Tackles El Nino* I DON'T KNOW HOW YAS DUN IT BUT I KNOW YAS DUN IIIIT! *Strangles him*  
  
Hiei & Andrew: ...*blink. Blink. Blink.*  
  
El Nino: *Choke* Wait a second *gasp* we can *gargle* fix this! *cough*  
  
Kurama: *Drops him* HOW!?  
  
El Nino: *Coughs* Well, I know many, many Gods and maybe they could help him!  
  
Kurama: ...Oh really? What can your Spanish Gods do for my Hiei?  
  
El Nino: Spanish Gods? What are you talkin about? I mean Roman and Grecian Gods!  
  
Kurama: But—  
  
Andrew: Well Minerva's out so that mean's Athena is too. Who else is there?  
  
El Nino: Pluto?  
  
Andrew: ...Why?!  
  
El Nino: *Shrugs*  
  
Andrew: ...Hmm...*Snaps fingers* I KNOW! Chronos!  
  
El Nino: Saturn? What can he do?  
  
Andrew: The best he can.  
  
Hiei: ...I'm in the dark...  
  
Kurama: Isn't he the god of time?  
  
El Nino: Duh. *Claps his hands twice* I call upon thee, oh mighty Chronos! Serve your most loyal servant! Amen. *Claps thrice*  
  
Chronos: *Drops out of the sky* Who dare summons the God of time? The very person that can make you finish that test you DIDN'T study for or postpone it FOREVER?  
  
El Nino & Andrew: *Get on the floor and bow* Kurama! Bow you idiot!  
  
Kurama: *Surprised* Er, uh...*Shrugs and bows*  
  
Hiei: O_o?!  
  
El Nino: Er hey C-sama! You're looking much younger today!  
  
Chronos: ...  
  
El Nino: ...Uh right. My Lord, we have a problem!  
  
Chronos: Yeah, I figured that much. What is it?  
  
Andrew: Well the Russians have taken over—  
  
El Nino: *Smacks him* Our friend has amnesia!  
  
Chronos: The red-head?  
  
El Nino: No the short guy back there!  
  
Chronos: ...What short guy?  
  
Andrew: *Looks back* Oh my gosh he's gone!  
  
El Nino: What?!  
  
  
  
(Living room)  
  
Hiei: What's a Russian and why are they taking over North Africa? Hmm...interesting.   
  
El Nino: *Comes out of basement* Hiei, what the hell are you doing!?  
  
Hiei: Nuthin.  
  
El Nino: ...Hiei?  
  
Hiei: Yes?  
  
El Nino: Hey, I think he has his memory back!  
  
Hiei: Possibly.  
  
El Nino: Hey, Hiei! Who am I?  
  
Hiei: Dead. *Shifts arm*  
  
El Nino: What? *Notices Hiei has rammed his sword through his stomach* ...Ah shit. *Tumbles over*  
  
Kurama: *Comes from basement. Sees Nino* Nino! Oh my GOD!  
  
Chronos: You called? *Sees Nino* What happened here?  
  
Hiei: *Moves*  
  
Kurama: Huh? *Sees Andrew who is bleeding* ...Dear Kami.  
  
Andrew: ...*Looks down. Has been stabbed in the nuts* Oh he's good. *Falls over*  
  
Kurama: ...Chronos can you restore his memory?!  
  
Chronos: Sure.  
  
Kurama: Good. Stay right there.  
  
Hiei: What do you want?  
  
Kurama: *Takes out the Rose Whip. Cracks it* RAWHIDE TIME BITCH! *Jumps. Fight ensues*   
  
  
  
(2 hours later)  
  
Chronos: O_O!!!  
  
Kurama: *Dragging Hiei up and down the stairs* GIVE!?!  
  
Hiei: Never!!  
  
Kurama: *Throws him down stairs* I don't wanna hurt you man but I WILL kill you!  
  
Hiei: *Lying in a broken heap at the bottom of the stairs* I...give...up...  
  
Kurama: Excellent! Chronos, please help him!  
  
Chronos: *Kicks Andrew and Nino* Wake up you bums.  
  
El Nino: *Groans* Owwww...that little bastard I'll get him!  
  
Andrew: ...Chronos, are you gonna help our friend?  
  
Chronos: Yes I am, but I need you two. I will send you back in time and you must prevent yourselves from giving Hiei amnesia.  
  
Kurama: Oooh cool! Time travel!  
  
El Nino: Uh okiedokie.  
  
(Chronos twirls his staff over his head and sparks come out. He then whacks Nino and Andrew over the head and knocks them out and they go back in time)  
  
  
  
(A few hours earlier)  
  
El Nino: Whoa, look it's me! I look so handsome.  
  
Past El Nino: *Catches ball* -_-;; Shut up. *F4 tornado rips up the street*  
  
Andrew: Nino, we've gotta stop you from whacking Hiei!  
  
Past Hiei: Great, ANOTHER tornado. Damn you Nino!  
  
Past El Nino: Shut UP! *Launches balls*  
  
(Slo-motion)  
  
El Nino: NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!! *Throws himself in front of ball*  
  
Andrew: NNNIIIIINNNOOOOO!!   
  
El Nino: *Body goes spiraling and hits side of house* GGGAAAAHH!  
  
  
  
(End Slo-motion)  
  
  
  
El Nino: *Hits house* GAAAAAH!  
  
Andrew: Nino! Are you okay?!  
  
Nino: ...nooo...  
  
  
  
(Back in the present)  
  
Hiei: *Wakes up* Ouch...  
  
Kurama: Hiei?!   
  
Hiei: Kurama why am I bleeding like the Ebola?!  
  
Kurama: MY DARLING HIEI! *Glomps him*   
  
Chronos: I'd say it's time for those two idiots to come back. *Kicks Andrew & Nino* Wake up you morons.  
  
Andrew: *Groans*  
  
El Nino: *Wakes up* Mommy I dun wanna go to school...  
  
Chronos: You twits. *Vanishes*  
  
Andrew: *Wakes up* Did Hiei get his memory back?  
  
Hiei: When did I loose it?  
  
El Nino: Long story—  
  
TV News Reporter: *Frantic* THIS JUST IN! THE SOVIET UNION NOW HAS CONTROL OF ALL OF SOUTH AMERICA AND ARE STORMING THE KYOTO REGION OF JAPAN AND SOUTHERN AFRICA!   
  
El Nino: O.O Don't we live in Kyoto?!   
  
Kurama: Actually no.  
  
El Nino: Oh...  
  
Andrew: Some one has to stop this!   
  
Hiei: They have that damn ring, they're unstoppable!  
  
Andrew: Oh really?! *Chants* For Kyoto I call upon the god of the sea Poseidon! Drown that land!  
  
TVNR: THIS ALSO JUST IN! A SUDDEN HURRICANE HAS WASHED AWAY MOST OF THE RUSSIAN ARMY! THIS IS MADNESS!  
  
Hiei: ...Wow. Now to undo El Nino's curse...  
  
El Nino: There's no undoing that...let it take its—*F4 tornado rips the house from under they're feet* course.  
  
Kurama: ...Excellent. Now we have unstoppable Russian forces to deal with and the Curse de El Nino.  
  
El Nino: Heh-heh...  
  
_______________________________________________________________   
  
[1] It hits Florida every so often. He'll appear quite a bit from now on. One of El Nino's weather condition-friends. Just imagine Gohan from DBZ with red hair and no pupils and a few feet taller.  
  
  
And that's it! Hope you enjoyed!  
  
DD: Next: Kurama VS the Soviet Union  
  
Cell: As you can tell that one's gonna be mainly centered around Kurama. Review 


	20. Kurama VS the Soviets

You Know This Is A Bad Idea Right?  
  
  
  
Er hiya! Haven't updated in a while, I know. Been busy with...other things.  
  
Cell: Like w—  
  
DD: *Slaps him*  
  
...Uh yeah. Well, the Fellowship makes an appearance...among others.  
  
Cell: Warning: ....*screams*  
  
That's how bad this is.  
  
DD: Begin transmission  
_______________________________________________________________  
Kurama VS the Soviet Union  
  
(In Kurama's newly built house. He, El Nino, Hurricane Andrew, and Hiei are out in the garage)  
  
Kurama: *Sigh* This is horrible! Some one has got to stop those damn Soviet Union...ers...  
  
Hiei: *Nod* But how? With that damned ring—*Hurricane starts up* Damnit.   
  
Andrew: I didn't do it!  
  
Hiei: I know. Damn you El Nino.  
  
El Nino: Waah, leave me alone!  
  
Kurama: Calm down. I need to figure out a way to stop the Soviets...but how? *Paces and snaps fingers* Ah—  
  
Hiei & El Nino: No.  
  
Kurama: But—  
  
Hiei: Stuff it fox. There's no way we're doing THAT again.  
  
Andrew: O.O?  
  
Kurama: *Sniffles* Well I'm dry.  
  
Andrew: *Light bulb shines over his head* Ding! I have an idea!  
  
Hiei: *Unscrews light bulb* Well?  
  
Andrew: ...That was just cruel. But maybe if we can find a ring to counter the other ring's power we'll solve this whole mess!  
  
Kurama: ...And what ring would do THAT?  
  
Andrew: I'm not sure...but I know there's one out there!   
  
Hiei: If there is we must find this ring. But where would we start?  
  
Kurama: Ugh, how should I—*Hurricane tears up garage* know.  
  
  
  
(Inside the house)  
  
Kurama: *Watching VH1* Damnit, Andy (BTW, that's AAHN-dee) had a good idea, but pulling off is hopeless!   
  
Jennifer Lopez: *Flashes engagement ring* We're getting married soon!  
  
Kurama: OO...That's IT!! To the attic!  
  
  
  
(In El Nino's room, Hiei, Andrew and El Nino are playing Yoshi's Island Madden 2004 for Playstation 23 [1])   
  
El Nino: Haha! Me-12, Andy-9, Hiei—  
  
Hiei: 17.  
  
El Nino: What!?  
  
Andrew: Behind you Nino! Oooh, painful.  
  
El Nino: Damnit! I can't believe I—HAH!  
  
Andrew: HAH back to ya.  
  
El Nino: Who's side are you on?!  
  
Andrew: Mine.  
  
Kurama: *Busts in the room* HUZZAAH!  
  
Everyone else: GA-AH!  
  
Hiei: *Turns off game and takes off goggles* Kurama, what the hell are you doing?  
  
Kurama: I found a way to stop the Soviets!  
  
Andrew: *Takes off goggles & Nino does the same* How?  
  
Kurama: I'm not quite sure it will work but once I'm finished with it I'm gonna test it! Then if it works I'm going out to kick Soviet ass!  
  
Hiei: But what is this plan?  
  
Kurama: Jennifer Lopez's engagement ring!  
  
Andrew & Nino: Saywha?  
  
Kurama: I've gotta find someway to expand it's limited power and them BAM! It might even have the power to undo Nino's spell!  
  
El Nino: *Raises eye brow* ...We should be worried shouldn't we?  
  
Kurama: Just you wait, by the time I enhance that thing's power I might even rule the planet!  
  
Hiei: ...To answer your question Nino yes.  
  
Andrew: *Nods*   
  
Kurama: *Storms back up to the attic singing "We will rock you"*  
  
  
  
(In the attic *read: observatory* Kurama has various wires hooked up to J. Lo's wedding ring and looking at it through a microscope with some tweezers and stuff)  
  
Kurama: If I neutralize this...and energize it...and shock that—damn red wire...er and...hmmm I think it can take a few more volts...*gasps* That's it! Now to test it! *Puts ring on and holds it up* TOO-EXPENSIVE-WEDDING-RING POWER! *Random J. Lo song plays and a beam shoots out of the ring. Sends Kurama back aways* *Sees dent* WOO! I have succeeded! *Ring glows* Hey, I think it may just stay powered up! But for how long...? I'll train with it to test! *Energizes ring again* *Singsong voice* Oh Hiei-eeei!  
  
  
  
(Outside in a field)  
  
Hiei: ...Are you sure?  
  
Kurama: Yes! Let's go!  
  
Hiei: *Draws sword* Okay, goodbye. *Charges him*  
  
Kurama: *Jumps back* P.DIDDY-PUFFY-BEN SHOT! *Electrocutes Hiei*  
  
Hiei: *Sizzles* Ouch...that's one damn ring...  
  
Kurama: Wait, don't die yet! RICKY-MARTIN-DOESN'T-STAND-A-CHANCE HAH! *Set's Hiei on fire. Ring's power fades* Damn, so it will last 2 or so attacks...  
  
Hiei: *Sizzling* ...Can you please take your anger out on the Soviets now...?!  
  
Kurama: Right! But you have to come with me!  
  
Hiei: Hell. No.  
  
Kurama: Bu—  
  
Hiei: H-E-L-L N-O.  
  
Kurama: Oh fine....I'll just take El and Andy.  
  
  
  
(Inside the house)  
  
Kurama: But—  
  
El Nino: *Holds Andrew back* No!  
  
Kurama: It's for a good cause!  
  
Andrew: Yeah!  
  
El Nino: N-O no!  
  
Kurama: But El-El, Dy-Dy—!   
  
El Nino: No Kurama, you on your own this time! I'm not risking my neck on a damn engagement ring and neither is Andy!  
  
Andrew: Whyyy?! I wanna go!  
  
El Nino: *Thwacks him* No Andy! Shuzza you mouth!  
  
Kurama: *Heavy sigh* Oh fine. I'll go...*sniffs* by myself. And when I get awarded for my bravery and courage then I will have the last laugh!  
  
Andrew: *Whimpers* WAAAAAH!  
  
Kurama: *Storms out door* MAH HAHAHAHAA!  
  
Hiei: ...Dead man walking.  
  
Andrew: NAAAH! DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!  
  
  
  
(Somewhere in Russia)  
  
Frodo: Okay, we'll storm the place! Pure and simple.  
  
Aragorn: ...  
  
Legolas: ...  
  
Gimli: And just how do we do that?  
  
Frodo: The way we always do—AAAAAH! *Storms fortress and is kicked out again* Never mind.  
  
Gimli: Blast that Master...er, what was his name again?  
  
Legolas: Master Bate.  
  
Gimli: Oh yeah. Blast that Master Bate!  
  
Aragorn: ...Actually I like it...  
  
Frodo: Me too.  
  
Legolas: ...  
  
Gimli: ...  
  
Frodo: Whaaat? Let's just...form a new plan.  
  
  
  
(On a plane to Russia)   
  
Kurama: *Singing T.A.T.U* Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me...  
  
Pilot: We're almost there. Are you SURE you wanna go...*looks at note* approximately 2,000 miles outside of Moscow?  
  
Kurama: Yes! I must! *Energizes ring* I must stop the Soviets!  
  
Pilot: *Prepares to land* Good luck kiddo.  
  
Kurama: FYI I'm actually 1,000 years old [2] but I probably shouldn't have told you that.  
  
Pilot: O_o  
  
  
  
(On the ground)  
  
Frodo: *Looks up* It's the plane, the plane![3]  
  
Aragorn: ...Just shut up Frodo.  
  
Kurama: *Is thrown out of plane* GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! *Smacks ground* Ohhh mama...  
  
Frodo: Who are you!?  
  
Kurama: *Hops up* I am the great Kurama!  
  
Legolas: Don't I know you from somewhere?  
  
Kurama: Yes and no. But let's not get in to that. I'm here to help!  
  
Gimli: Help what?  
  
Kurama: Get the ring back! 50% of this is my fault anyway. Sooo...who has it?  
  
Gimli: *Points to fortress* The evil Master Bate. We've tried charging the place 3 times but it never get's us anywhere!  
  
Kurama: OO Master...Bate?  
  
Legolas: Yes. But how do you expect to help us?  
  
Kurama: Easy! Legolas, Aragorn—  
  
Aragorn & Legolas: How did—  
  
Kurama: Come with me, we have much work to do!  
  
_______________________________________________________________  
  
[1] Combination of Yoshi's Island and Madden 200[] for the ADVANCED Playstation. Basically, in the future you will just put a little ball in the deck and put on some Virt. Reality gear and you will physically feel the pain. That is my vision. *Bows*   
  
[2] How old is Yokou Kurama? Really, I've heard estimates but does anyone really know or is it just me who doesn't?  
  
[3] Fantasy Island anyone?  
  
And if you didn't get the "Master Bate" joke then you really shouldn't read any further.   
  
Cell: I know what your think "oh hell, another trilogy! We're never gonna get to the end of this before March!" but it's not true (seriously!)! Part 1 of 2 I tell ya!  
  
DD: Review onegai! 


	21. THIS IS NOT A TEST, I REPEAT: THIS IS NO...

Ack, it's THAT time again.  
  
DD: That time where we take a...like 4 day hiatus. Or longer.  
  
Cell: We're actually not sure if we're gonna finish this or not....although 80 some even number WANT us to finish.  
  
But I'm low on ideas. Bitch ain't it?  
  
DD: We're sorry! But let it be known we won't be gone long...I hope.  
  
Cell: Yeah, rent's due this week. *Landlady stands over them*  
  
DD: And I haven't paid the electric bill yet! *Lights flicker* Shit!  
  
Nice goin bone-head!  
  
DD: *Whimper*  
  
Well anyway, enough of our rambling. And if you have any ideas how we should finish this we're all ears! Seriously WE'RE ALL EARS.  
  
DD: *Holds ear*  
  
Cell: ...I have no ears...  
  
Sure ya do! *Yells in his "ear"* *Shrieks* HUM DEINALANA!  
  
Cell: AAAAAAH! MY EARS!  
  
DD: O_o Riiight.  
  
Okay, NOW enough of our rambling. Heh-heh. *Points up* Remember what we said about the idea thingy! Or maybe we'll just come up with something...though I doubt it. Damn.  
  
DD: Adios amigos—  
  
And more KxH to ya!  
  
Cell: My ears!! 


End file.
